Day 24: The Power Nap

Don't underestimate the power of good sleep.

I, too, used to use coffee as liquid sleep replacement.

But now that I don't have that option, even with a good night's sleep, I am forced into one of two circumstances. Either I take a nap in the middle of the day and have the energy to make it through until bedtime, or I fall asleep at 8:30pm on the couch while reading with my seven year old.

I did not take a nap today.

And I have been asleep on the couch for the last hour.

And I'm going to go back to sleep when I'm through typing.

This new process has taught me that my body has actual, natural need to cease and recover. This is a hard reality to accept. I'm of the five-a-day breed (cups of coffee). I don't like to stop. Ever. There's too much to do. But, I have come to terms with this new rhythm. I have embraced it. I have learned to utilize my awake time better, and not store everything on my to-do list until the kids are asleep. Because, well, the list won't get done if I'm crashed on the couch.

It came to a head the other night when I was forced to bed by fatigue and had to leave a note for my husband, who comes home at 4:45am from his night beat. It read:

"About the house: I can do better. I promise."

Learning this natural rhythm is important to me as a person. It means that instead of letting my body break down so that I can be "productive", I must learn to be efficient with the time that I am given, and allow my body to take care of itself. Previously ignored by the next cup of coffee. Now more important. That's good. I like that.

Days 22&23: The Edamame Saga

Something has changed -- physically, chemically, biologically -- with the way my taste receptor cells are receiving edamame. Dare I say it?

I like edamame again.

I know that my thoughts on Pick Five, and my emotional highs and lows have been fickle, fluctuating. (To say the least. If you charted my emotions on paper, you'd need a seismograph.) Life is full of these ups and downs, but in real life, I usually tend to downplay the mercurial extremes so as to appear more sane. I obviously have not done that here, so don't go calling the state hospital on me.

But for the last few days, I have really enjoyed edamame. It tastes buttery and rich, and the texture is actually quite pleasing when combined with the nutty, al dente brown rice. I can't explain it, other than to give God the glory for granting me this small mercy.

It's as if all the foods have taken on a heightened taste. The almonds have been extremely fragrant. The apples, sweeter. The spinach, creamy and savory. The rice, more filling. The water, more satisfying. What kind of world is this?!

I realize now that what God has given me for these 40 days is enough. These five simple foods that he created with his hand are pleasing to my body. My response can be none other than thanks.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for rice. Thank you for edamame. Thank you for spinach. Thank you for apples. Thank you for almonds. Thank you for salt. Thank you for water.

Dayenu. It would have been enough.

Romans 12: 1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your reasonable act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Day 21: Two Losses

So, everyone keeps asking. It's a natural question. I mean, think about what I'm eating. For the first time in a long time, I'm taking in the right amount of calories for my body weight. And since I've been exercising, it was bound to happen. So, I'll come clean about the question that people ask me out of the side of their mouths so as not to disturb the spiritual waters of Pick Five.

I've lost eight pounds.

This is decent news, since over the last year I have slowly grown out of my wardrobe and resigned myself to the "dumpy wardrobe". I have been blessed over the years to receive gorgeous and well-made clothes from a benevolent friend of a friend (read: rockin' hand-me-downs) that I have put to pitiful use because of my size change. And now, I can make her donations work overtime for all the wear they're going to get.

But don't go jumping on the Pick Five not-a-diet diet bandwagon until you hear the second loss.

I think my hair is falling out. I'm trying not to panic. At first, I chalked it up to summer time molting. Then, I thought it was because I was wearing it in an updo a lot lately, and so some hairs were ripping out. But now, I'm starting to worry. For those of you who don't know me, this is like Beyonce losing her derrière, or Elizabeth Taylor's eyes suddenly turning brown. I know, not very modest comparisons, as I am neither Beyonce or Elizabeth. But my long red tresses thinning out would be a major blow to my ego. I feel really conflicted about this. I don't want to be vain about my looks, but I really don't want to lose my hair. I feel defeated. Ugh.

Please, God. Don't teach me this lesson in humility. Please. please.

(Maybe an increase/decrease in one of the five that could make a difference. Or maybe one of my prescriptions is doing it. Must look into it.)

Day 20: Halftime Dance

So... hmm... what's new... oh, yeah... I'M HALFWAY THROUGH!!!

Let me take this moment to do a happy little Snoopy jig.

... still jigging...

... wait, one more...

... okay, I'm done.

For twenty days, I have been 99.998% loyal to Pick Five (-.001 each for the accidently chewed and spit out baby carrot and the two drops of gravy).

Before I realized it was day 20 today, I was really grumpy. The multiple errands in 100º heat with three children was getting to me. But then I signed the last receipt on the last errand, remembered it was the 20th, and my whole mood changed.

I had a lilt in my step as I took the kids to the Austin Children's Museum and played like a five-year old for two hours. So much fun.

I can't believe it. Half way. Praise God.

Please stay with me. Keep praying. It hasn't exactly flown by. And just as Moses held up his arms during the battle against the Amalekites, so I continue on until this is complete. But Moses had help, too. His arms got tired, and Aaron and Hur held them up for him, so that the Israelites would continue toward victory. Will you be my Aaron and Hur? Thank you so much for all your love and encouragement and support along the way. It is invaluable.

"So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset." Exodus 17:10-12

Day 19: Don't Worry, Eat Gravy

Add another craving to my list.

------------------------------>

I was thinking about the verse I've got as my header. "Do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?'" from Matthew 6. The chapter ends so beautifully, and has a great verse for what I was going through yesterday.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

I changed my mind. It's actually not a very positive verse. It doesn't say that everything will get taken care of. It just says not to worry about tomorrow today. Worry about today today and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. And every day is full of trouble. I never really looked at it like that, like an aunt or grandmother who gives compliments like, "Well, at least you're not ugly."

But I understand the concept. Worrying for things that haven't happened yet, not so productive. I can't worry about day 41. I can't even worry about day 20. Each day is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows and enough trouble of its own.

Today's trouble was over gravy. Don't make gravy unless you are able to taste it 100 times yourself. Relying on your spouse's palate to taste and make suggestions about the gravy is not good for a marriage. But, finally, after one teeeeeeeeensy weeeeeeeeeensie taste, I realized that the gravy was fine, and I wasn't going to add anything or tamper with it for another second. So sue me. I tasted two droplets of gravy. It saved me from throwing down the whisk and walking out of the kitchen. And everyone was the happier for it.

And verse 32 of Matthew 6 says about the things over which we get anxious, "your Heavenly Father knows that you need them." That alone is comforting. He uses the word 'father'. And in Luke chapter 11, Jesus says, "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?... If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Therein lies the answer. We worry. We ask God for the things that He already knows we need. Then he breathes his "Breath of Holiness" aka "Holy Spirit" down upon us. Thank you, God. And we are satisfied. Aaah. Until tomorrow when, apparently, new troubles are already awaiting us.

Day 18: Overbooked

Up to my eyeballs in responsibility:

1. PTA Teacher Breakfast to plan and execute. Time: 2 days

2. Face Painting for Capital Area Food Bank donation drive to buy face paint, make samples, execute. Time: 3 days

3. Extreme Classroom Makeover to plan, purchase supplies, and execute for Communities in Schools. Time: 10 days

4. American Heritage Girls Social Skills and Etiquette Tea Party to plan, purchase supplies and execute. Time: about 2 weeks

Somthing's gotta give. The Pick Five thought for the day is going to have to wait until tomorrow. So sorry, dear friends.

But, dang. That felt good to prioritize. I can do this! (Maybe the next 40 should be to simplify the rest of my life!)

Day 17: Nitty Gritty Dirt Blog

One of my all-time best friends emailed me today:

"Ok, so give me an update. And I'm not talking about the censored version that's in your blog. I want the nitty gritty, dirty reality!"

Well, I thought I was doing pretty good in the honesty and openness department. But, I know when I read "Animal Vegetable Miracle," by Barbara Kingsolver about her family's quest to eat only what they could grow themselves or buy locally from farmers they knew, I felt like I wanted the whole story. Like there must be something she's not telling us. I kept waiting for the undoing.

Oh no. You are not waiting for my undoing... right? Right?! Okay. You are. It's okay. I understand. I suppose we all want to see the train wreck sometimes. You sickos. But you're going to be disappointed.

So, for you, my friend, and for everyone else, here it is. The nitty gritty dirty reality.

I wake up, and I want to throw up at the sight of another apple and handful of almonds for breakfast. I put my nose so close to my children's bowls of Fruity Cheerios that I probably absorb some sugar through my nostrils. I eat my... "breakfast" and begrudgingly admit that an apple is one of God's most delicious creations. And then realize that I'm probably going to need another TMJ surgery after eating almonds and apples for breakfast for 40 days.

Lunch time rolls around and I fix PB&Js, carrots, string cheese and juice for the kids, and have to fight the urge to lick the PB&J knife. I mean, really, PB&J? It's sandwich awesomeness. But I resist. Confession coming in 3... 2... 1... I robotically popped a baby carrot in my mouth the other day. I was on like the fourth crunch when my mouth finally sent messages to my brain. NEW FOOD ALERT! NEW FOOD ALERT! So I stopped, mouth half open, walked to the trash can and spit out the carrot. And then choked back a silent cry. Over a carrot. Sad. So every day, I scoop out one cup of my precooked brown rice (I cook it a bag at a time), and pile some edamame on top. One minute in the microwave.

This meal always trips me out for some reason. I put a bite in my mouth. I look down to make sure it's my Pick Five food -- (This is a new development. Everything goes through the wait-am-I-eating-the-right-thing-here-or-have-I-totally-lost-it-and-accidently-shoved-a-donut-in-my-mouth filter.) -- Then I eat. I eat the edamame first, because... well... I haven't quite recovered from the whole I Hate Edamame thing. I am not choking it down anymore, but let's just say that by the time this whole thing is done, I better be able to speak Japanese for all the edamame I've eaten. Then, the rice. I am so not sick of brown rice. I love it. I would eat it in a boat. And I would eat it with a goat. And I would eat it in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. And in a car. And in a tree. It is so good, so good you see! (Really. I love it. No, seriously.)

Afternoons usually bring another half an apple and handful of almonds along with a tank of water. It's Texas. And it's brutal. I dream of Sonic slushes and iced mochas. But, not for too long. Discipline is knowing how to stop entertaining temptation.

Then, I make dinner. I think it's God's timing that my husband is working the night shift right now. I only have to cook the "real" dinners for him a couple of nights a week. For the kids, I end up just balancing their plate with a protein, one or two vegetables, a complex carb and a glass of milk. Sometimes it's pretty motley, like some chicken, leftover spaghetti and a pile of peas. But they don't seem to mind. I sit down with them, and eat my rice and edamame. (Rinse, repeat.) My kids know not to say, "Is this it?" when I put their plate in front of them. They haven't fully connected it to my rants about children in other countries and even a few kids here in Austin who don't have enough to eat, but they sure know that they have to go to their rooms for a couple of minutes if they say it, and they want to avoid that. It's a start.

But then, after they go to bed, I break out the goods. Oh yeah. I open the freezer, get out my bowl and spoon, and my mouth already begins to water. I start to think about this time of day at around 3 in the afternoon. I look forward to it. Nobody's around. And I get to enjoy my daily delicious bowl of... chopped spinach. What? What did you think I was going to say? I swear to you, this is heaven. I love spinach. And it just melts like butter on my tongue. Oh, butter. I miss butter. Spinach would be so good with butter. Focus. Focus.

It's weird, because in the evenings I always used to watch TV and eat during EVERY COMMERCIAL. Something salty like cheese or buttered bread. Then, something sweet like saltwater taffy. (That has 'salt' in it. But it's sweet. Funny.) Salty, sweet, salty sweet. It went on for hours. But I'm not really watching TV anymore. It's like one went with the other. Hmm.

Then, I go to bed and start over. I can compare this whole Pick Five time to when I was pregnant (40 WEEKS, not days). I used to have quick little freak outs. Get out of there. Get out of my skin. Out of my belly! But then I calmed myself down and reminded myself that I was in it for the long haul. I prayed for God's patience in place of my impatience. It worked then, and it's working now.

The hardest times, when I want to crawl into a hole and cry, have been when I am in the company of other people who are eating delicious food. This is hard. I've managed to blend in pretty good, and try not to cause any vexation to the omnivores. But then I get in my car, have a quick and silent pity party, and try my best to pay attention to what I'm supposed to be learning from the experience. This is where I know God meets me. These times, I know, will make a difference in my life.

Over all, I am at peace. I know that it's not over until it's over. I know that there is much more ahead. I'm right smack in the middle of it, and I'm trying not to plan out what I'm going to eat on day 41. (Except for coffee. I'll be setting the timer on my coffee maker.) I'll save thoughts about other food for the last couple of days. I can't go there yet. I don't know what's next when this is all done. Day by day. Breathe in, breathe out. Brown rice, edamame, spinach, apples and almonds. And the hand of the Lord to sustain me.

(Picture: Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. "Down by the river in the full moon light, we'll be fallin' in love in the middle of the night, just moving slow..." Thanks to Tom for gifting this song to my sister when I was an impressionable 13 years old. Good tune.)

Days 15&16: Happy Vegetarian

From Numbers chapter 11:

Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp...

The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost--also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" ...

[The LORD said to Moses], "Tell the people: 'Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, "If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!" Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month--until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it--because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you.' "...

Now a wind went out from the LORD and drove quail in from the sea... But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague.

I thought I wanted a little meat. Just some chicken or a carne fajita taco. But, nope. I have everything that I need. I'm just fine, God. No thanks.

Mmmmm... rice. Mmmmm... spinach. Mmmmm... apples. Mmmmm... almonds. Yum.

No quail. Thankyouverymuch.

(All's well on the Pick Five front. I'm hanging in there. Still got 24 days to go! Stay with me!)

Day 14: Excuse Me?!

There's this part in "In & Out", a silly comedy about a man who never considered himself gay, inadvertently coming out of the closet at a very inopportune time. On his wedding day. About two-thirds into the movie, the rejected bride, Joan Cusak (brilliant), is sitting on a stool in a bar, in her enormous but tattered wedding dress and veil, totally a wreck, make up smeared from crying, nursing a fat beer, utterly despondent. In walks a reporter, Tom Selleck, who has been reporting the story and exacerbating the situation. He sits down next to the bride, oblivious to her, and says, "Man, have I had a rough day." The look that she gives him is so priceless, so incredulous and then she shouts at the top of her cracking, exasperated voice, "EEEEXCUUUUUUSE ME?!"

This is how I felt when my daughter told me she didn't want to eat a sandwich yesterday.

"But you like sandwiches, right?"

"Yes."

"Then why don't you want one."

"I just don't feel like it."

"EEEEXCUUUUUUSE ME?!"

Yeah! Ugh! Take that! (I have every right to be indignant... right?)

And yet, if I said to a Zambian that I was sick of my delicious, nutritious, ample supply of five foods, he should have a similar response. His one bowl of nshima a day, or a Haitian's 4oz of rice per day, has my Pick Five beat in the depravity department by a mile.

Perspective. I'm learning.

Day 13: No Can Do Fondue

So, I don't know if it's the lack of coffee, the Pick Five in general, the kids making a mess in the house all day, or my husband working so much overtime lately (Thanks, honey. You're so strong and dedicated to providing for us all), but today was just hard. It was hard.

And then later I went to meet up with some friends for a fondue party. How fun is that? Jack cheese and cheddar cheese, chocolate peanut butter caramel, and white chocolate, and about 20 different things to dip into these four melted luxuries. Wine, beer, laughter. And then the microwave dinged.

"Whose bowl of brown rice, edamame, and spinach is this?"

Someone else, "Whose do you think?"

And we stood around, mingled, and I ate my dinner and tried not to draw too much attention to myself. It wasn't that I wanted to eat what everyone else was eating. I mean, sure I did. But I wasn't tempted in that way. I just felt thin, transparent, disconnected from myself. It was just a hard day. I don't know how else to explain it.

This wasn't supposed to be easy. It wouldn't have the same effect if it were. When you ask for God to change your heart, the outcome is always right, it's just that the process of removing the old crusty heart can leave you feeling vulnerable, fragile. I'm leaning a little more on the Lord today, and waiting for the new heart to sync up.

Day 12: The Crave List

When I announced what five things I'd be eating for Pick Five, much of the response was, "Aren't you going to be hungry?" Well, I said it then, and I'll say it now.

Nope.

I do have a controlled amount of food that I'm eating, but the point of this exercise was not to be hungry. It was to simply limit my choices. Squeeze out the excess. But I'll tell you, if I'm hungry, it's because it's lunch time. Or dinner. I have not once been hungry after a meal.

Howwwevvverrrrrrr...

I have been hungry/thirsty FOR things. I'll indulge you in my crave list:

Cereal, esp. Oh!s and Life

Chocolate milk

Supreme pizza

Chocolate cake/cupcakes

Brisket and sausage

Potato salad

Cole slaw

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese

Thundercloud Subs (Austinites, can I get a whoop whoop!)

Pasta

French bread

Red wine

Caesar salad (Look at the last four. Maybe I should have done a Scegliere Cinque.)

Rotisserie chicken

Bacon (Not turkey bacon. Sorry, Mom.)

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Fish tacos (don't knock it 'til you've tried it)

Gingerbread pancakes from Kerby Lane Cafe

I had a Chick-O-Stick craving the other day. But I think this was a fluke. I haven't eaten one of these in years.

And, saving the most desperate for last...

Cue beam of light from heaven and chorus of angels...

COFFEE. In any shape or form. I think if I opened a bag of coffee right now, I might just get too excited and start crunching on the shiny French Roast beans before they even got to the grinder.

So, think of me when you have any of these. And try not to cackle with delight.

I hope you choke.

(Sorry, I didn't mean that about the choking. I had to bring some levity after yesterday's downer. Whah, whah.)

Day 11: Confessions

I realized today that a fear has been creeping up within me. As I drove around town this morning, I was alone for the first time in a while. My kids had been dropped off to play with their cousins, I had turned off the radio, and was able to collect my thoughts in the silence. I thought about the second quarter of this simplification, as I enter into the teens of Pick Five. I thought about the struggle to get this far, and the new freedom and peace that I now experienced. I thought about the next 29 days and what amazing thing they were waiting to offer. I thought about words and blogs and conversations that I would have because of this amazing thing that was going to happen.

And then a lump grew out of my stomach and made its way up my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but it beat the gag reflex and surfaced to show its face and say hello. And there it was. The fear.

What if I have nothing to say.

What if nothing happens.

And all thought stopped here, like a skipping record repeating an off-key note. What if nothing happens? What will I say? Will it all have been for naught? How will I explain that? I have all of you, reading my thoughts and praying for me and cheering me on. I have my friends and family, asking about my progress, how I'm doing, what I'm learning... What if its all one bogus nothingness that ends, and after all is said and done, life will go on as usual? And I just sat in that for a while.

I tried to shush it away. I said to myself, "It'll come. God's just not ready yet. In His time..." But the fear just sat next to me and stared at me with doubtful, raised eyebrows.

And after some time of self-loathing and self-deprecation and self-pity, my unwelcome passenger told me I had some serious issues I needed to work through. And that's when I realized two things.

1. It's not about you. Yes, you. I'm so thankful for you, your prayers, your support. But I have been worrying way too much about how many people were reading, how frequently, how to hook in more readers, how to keep everyone entertained and -- if I can be mercilessly honest here -- make sure everyone was impressed. Yuck.

2. God is always ready. He's just waiting for me to be ready. I know that Pick Five is the right thing for me to do. I know that it's supposed to happen right now. But I have got to keep my head clear. I have got to free up my heart and mind. I have got to shake out all the me, me, me, I, I, I, if I want to allow any real estate for God to do His work.

And so I reached over, opened the passenger door, and booted out the thing that I had let in. I had to do some serious confessing. I had to release the ownership of my own life that I had usurped from the Lord sometime in these last 11 days. I had allowed my own ambition to get in the way of God's work, and I did it in plain view. I hope you can forgive me too.

So, it wasn't the big thing that I was looking for, but it was the big thing that God needed to teach me today. And now I'm going to go take a shower.

Day 10: Free Rice

Want to donate 66 billion grains of rice to people all over the world? Sure you do. Know what it'll cost you? Nothing. I don't know who thought this up, but it's an amazingly easy way to give. Ready for this? FreeRice.com. Here's what it entails:

You play a vocabulary game, and free rice gets delivered around the world.

That's it. This is especially cool to a "wordie" like me (I think I just made up a word) who, if allowed to have two books on an island, would choose the Bible and the American Heritage Dictionary.

There's corporate sponsors who fund the rice, and it's delivered to areas in need through the World Food Programme. I can't believe this is a real thing. It's so easy, it promotes higher literacy, and it is feeding millions of hungry people. You can't go wrong there. There's even a video that shows the WFP delivering the Free Rice.

Only play it once. You can't. (Or at least I can't.) I've got it on my bookmarks, and I try to play it every time I see it and have a few minutes. My high score is level 50. (Worry not if you are more of a Wheel of Fortune than a Jeopardy, they donate rice for your correct answers, but don't penalize you in rice for your wrong answers. Whew.)

As I'm eating this big bowl of rice in front of me, I am thankful for each grain. Think how much more thankful the Free Rice recipients must be.

Days 8&9: Flying

You know when you board an airplane, and you're all excited or nervous about the initial take-off? You stare out the window, watching the parallax of the trees and mountains change with speed as you taxi down the runway, the sound growing ever more intense. There is vibration, tension, and the plane feels like its going to soon whistle like a tea kettle or explode. And then, there's a release as finally you lift off into the sky. The sound quiets, the cabin steadies, and suddenly, you are in a new dimension, looking down on the earth below grow smaller and smaller until you feel like you can move the houses like pieces on the Monopoly board. And then, you are flying.

I feel like I'm flying right now. My hands have released from their tight grip on the armrest. My back and neck tingle with surrender. The initial take off is over. I feel like I've hit a comfort zone in this Pick Five journey, and I'm just taking it all in stride.

In nine days, not a single outside food or drink has reached my mouth. I made three delicious cakes and sat through a mouth-watering brisket and sausage dinner at my mother-in-law's, and still remained unshaken. My Pick Five simplification is completely intact. Isn't that amazing? I am really, truly amazed by that. And not in a see-what-I-can-do, look-mom-no-hands kind of way, but just overwhelmed by the strength the LORD has given me thus far.

Now that I'm here, in this new phase, I pray that my heart will also let loose its tension. It's a prerequisite to receiving the teaching that awaits.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

PS. If you're wondering how I went from "I Hate Edamame" to "Flying" in two days, remember that there was a Sabbath in between. Put it to the test. See Isaiah 58:13-14. He is so faithful.

Day 7: I Hate Edamame

I hate edamame.

I hate edamame.

I hate edamame.

I am choking it down. What used to be a lovely sometimes treat is now the bane of my mealtime. I think it's the texture. And the taste. It's just no longer appetizing. It's my protein and carrier of many important vitamins and nutrients, so I cannot skip it. I hope the distaste is a hump I can pass over. I know it's mind over matter on this one. It's EXACTLY the reminder that I need, that food is important, not just for taste, but mainly for the life it gives to our bodies. But it's hard. I'm not gonna lie. It reminds me of the fast in Daniel 10: “In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.”

Well, only 33 more days to go.

On a less self-pitying note, the kids and I picked up some Capital Area Food Bank donation boxes and have set up a donation center at Lifetime Fitness in south Austin. If you're a member, feel free to drop off some donations in the Child Center foyer. Food drive runs through August 31st. Thanks!

Day 6: Small Joy

This food simplification means I'm eating five things. The point is to be challenged by the drastic change, and moved beyond the spoiled diversity of my regular diet. I'm supposed to get bored with the food. The challenge is NOT to find how many different combinations and different forms of the five things I can find to make my Pick Five food more interesting. For example: I'm not going to buy brown rice flour and almond oil and try to fry up some tortillas.

I am going to stick close to the five things in their natural form. But...

Today is day three with a sore throat. It hurts to swallow. And I've got to be honest. I wanted a popsicle. So I used my Breville Juice Fountain Elite (best gift ever, thanks Uncle Boo) and juiced some apples, then froze them into popsicles. Oh, the sweet natural goodness. Is it wrong to employ my home's resources?

Day 5: How's it Going?

"So, how's it going?"

You're wondering, too? I answer this question in person all day long, but I'm not sure how well I've addressed that here. And, well, I suppose it's time.

So, here's how it's going:

I'm already sick of edamame and spinach. I miss cereal. I wish I could slather some Country Crock on a piece of Honey 7 Grain bread and inhale it. I have dreams about drinking coffee. I drool at the thought of a Skor bar.

BUT... I love brown rice. I love apples. I love almonds. I'm drinking more water than I ever have in my life (which was very little).

I am happy and healthy and physically strong and thankful. Each morning, I wake and am excited for another day. The scripture that sits at the top of this page, "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?'" has more meaning now. My mind is free to meditate on other things. I am not extremely bothered by what I am not eating, nor am I at all tempted to give up or break free of my five foods.

I must admit, I have stared down a couple of bowls of rice and edamame. I have had the Elvis lip curl a couple of times. But it passes quickly. I am reminded, as I hoped I would be, that every meal is a gift; each bite of food sustains my very life. It's a big thought:

Each

bite

of

food

sustains

my

very

life.

That's one thought that I don't want to fade out with time.

My belly is full. And my heart is glad.

Day 4: Too Little, Too Late

So, I looked in the fridge today, and realized that even though I'm going through this thing, and I'm thinking about all the hunger and poverty around the world, and teaching my children to appreciate what they have, I completely neglected to buy groceries for my family.

I have plenty of the five things, mind you. I took pains make sure I was fully covered on that front. But what about my kids? What about my ridiculously hard working husband? Doesn't he deserve a hot delicious meal? I SHOULD THINK SO!!!

So, I went to the grocery store with them in mind. No almonds, apples or the like in the cart. I came home to find that my husband (who sleeps daytime, works nighttime) had gotten up early, gone shopping himself, come back to stock the fridge, and had left for work already.

Ouch. Too little, too late. Maybe my focus was too broad.

I'm sorry, dear.

Day 3: Grapes and Wheat

Yesterday was Sunday.

I went to church.

Communion.

Grape juice and crackers.

Dilemma.

I didn't take communion. And before you go all crazy on me about being too strict and forgoing the blessed sacraments of my savior, listen to the why.

Standing and singing praise songs, I thought of Jesus, the sacrificed lamb for the redemption of Israel. I thought of my adopted inheritance into this covenant and the forgiveness of my sin. I am so thankful for the completion of this promise, and for the reminder that communion provides. Hallelujah.

But -- and I'm just going to be painfully transparent here -- after two days of you-know-what, just the thought of grape juice began to make my palate tingle with temptation. I thought of the sweet acidity of the dark delicious drink, and the cracker -- oh the cracker -- melting away in glutinous glory on my tongue.

I went back and forth in my mind between the two sentiments. It was torturous, believe me. In the end, I realized that my salvation does not come from communion. That to take it and share in that corporate reminder is a privilege, and one that not everyone has. But obviously, for me it was bordering on being an idol made of grapes and wheat. So, instead I said a prayer of thanksgiving and asked God for the opportunity to share the joy of my salvation with another, so that one more might know the sacrifice and receive the blessing that awaits.

Days 1&2: Big Change?

So, yesterday I woke up full of expectation. Here I go. A quick stretch, a few pushups (ha). I pulled up my kitchen stool and sat down to an apple and a handful of almonds, followed by a tall glass of water. Maybe something Adam and Eve would've had for breakfast. I said a prayer. I sang a song of praise. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me.

And then I had one of the busiest, craziest, most chaotic days in my recent history. Headless chicken comes to mind. I never stopped going, went to no less than nine destinations in the minivan, from Round Rock to the furthest south Austin, and dragged my three poor children along. Bedtime came too late. I wish I could say that at the end of the day, I knelt down next to my bed and reiterated my morning's thoughts to the Lord. But I fell asleep before I could even turn off my bedside lamp.

What did I think would happen? Did I think I would wake up a la Tom Hanks in Big, a totally changed person overnight? I guess I hoped that I would. I naively thought that Day 1 of my Pick Five calendar would be the tangible beginning of this remarkable experience. But God eats our expectations for breakfast. Life is a process. Desired change has to be earned. And works of the Lord happen in His time, not ours.

So what? My first day of Pick Five was spiritually unremarkable.

Then I woke up this morning, full of expectation. I pulled up my kitchen stool and sat down to an apple and a handful of almonds, followed by a tall glass of water. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me...

Pick Five

And so it begins. When I wake tomorrow, I shall endeavor to eat five simple foods for 40 days. Brown rice, edamame, spinach, almonds and apples. I have chosen the foods for their nutritional value, versatility, and taste. I will drink only water.

The inception of Pick Five was a few weeks ago, when I became suddenly and painfully aware of the abundance I have, and my inability to understand its value. Not only had I taken for granted that my plate was always full, but had forgotten to consider those who dream of such comfort.

Pick Five is a simplification. It is not a fast. It is not a diet. It is not a craze. It is an exercise in living simply, seeking God and His purposes, considering and caring for others, and sharing the lessons I learn with my family and friends. I hope you take the journey with me.

PS: Did you see that picture? I should be so lucky to eat at such a banquet.

PPS: So sorry that tomorrow is a sabbath, although I think it most appropriate. You'll have to wait until Day Two to hear from me!

Piece of Cake!

So, of course I haven't done any specialty cake orders for over a month, and now I have not one, but THREE cake orders. When are they? ALL WITHIN THE FIRST WEEK of my Pick Five. No testing the frosting. No eating the cake trimmings. No licking the bowl. This will be a test, fo sho. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

The Lineup

My Pick-Five Final Line Up:
1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

3. Spinach

4. Edamame

5. Apples!!!

Yes, the last pick is the sweetest. Apples are balancing out the remainder of the vitamin spectrum and adding some crispity crunch. I plan to start each day with a delicious rosy apple (like Jonagold or Fuji) and then have 1/2 an apple later when I need that afternoon snack. Nature's candy, right? My sweet tooth sure hopes so.

I remember my sister took a field trip to Yosemite National Park with her junior high classmates. She described a long and difficult hike up one of Yosemite's peaks that took half the day. After sweating like a dog and exhausting her canteen, she stood at the top of the peak. And then proceeded to eat what was to be the most delicious and memorable apple of her whole life.

I love that story. It makes me want to eat an apple. Or 60.

Me, Myself, and My New Me

I'm laying here on the couch, and my stomach has turned into a food baby that's laying here beside me. I'm stuffed. I didn't have an enormous dinner. Okay, so I had second helpings, but it was pretty healthy stuff. I think it was the cookie dough after dinner that did me in.

Let me just confess. Every waking moment lately, I am fighting the urge to have a pre-Pick Five Mardi Gras. I want to totally go Veruca Salt and have cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts so good you could go nuts. Give it to me now. Actually all of that stuff sounds pretty gross. But I could go for a big bowl of mint chip ice cream and a cold tall glass of chocolate milk about now.

I have this little control problem all the time. I fight the urge to leave gigantic teeth marks in the 2 lb. block of colby jack in the deli drawer. And I try not to eat the third or fourth bowl of cereal in the morning. I argue with myself and say motivating things to myself like, "C'mon, how bad do you want to fit into those jeans again?" and "It's so not worth it." But then I tell myself to shut the hell up, who asked you, and eat whatever it was that I was arguing about. I guess my inner personal trainer ain't as tough as she thought she was.

But I always thought the idea of Mardi Gras was a load of crap. If you're preparing for a solemn event in which you discipline yourself for the sake of God, maybe it's not so good to go crazy and turn glutton the day before. (Kind of like bachelor parties. Don't get me started.)

I am so close, so close. I have to keep it together for four more days. I know that when my 40-day Pick Five starts, that's it. My discipline won't be coming from my own strength at that point, thank the Lord. And I know that I won't have these internal discussions any more. Personal Trainer Me will be gone, and Indulgent Me will be gone, too. In fact, I'm not sure Me will even be there. Just a frame of me, waiting to be filled with the New Me.

And that's motivation enough to sober up for the event.

You Know You Want To

As I have prepared and posted and conversed about this little thing I'm getting ready to do, I have received all kinds of response.

Some people have been skeptical:

"You're gonna be hungry."

"You're not gonna make it."

Some have been intrigued:

"Ooh. What a neat idea."

"Hmm... what will you eat?"

Some have been flat out puzzled:

"Oh. How about that."

"Cool... I don't really get it."

(This last one was my husband, by the way.)

But most of you have been really kind and supportive. Please don't stop. Because I haven't even started yet.

I know that this is going to be a special 40 days. And I know that I'll look back on this time in my life. I hope that it is the beginning of something bigger, something bigger than me, that God has planned and is setting into motion. I can only pray that I am allowed to be part of it.

I want to invite you along.

If you feel the urge, start to plan. Pick your five, and come along for the ride. It will not be unfruitful. Pray and see if it's something for you. And let me know if you're with me.

But even if you don't, I appreciate your support immensely. I'll leave it at that.

(By the way, use nutritiondata.com. I used it to balance all my nutrients, make sure I was getting enough calories and protein, and it was crucial in the decision making process. And if you're totally lost, read the "About Me"; it explains what I'm inviting you to do.)

Test Run

Wow, am I glad I did some test runs on this food! Have you ever had a bowl of rice and edamame with loads of pepper but no salt? YUCK!

(Oh, yeah. By the way, I also chose edamame.)

1. Brown rice

2. Almonds

3. Spinach

4. Edamame

What's edamame? (My 5-year old calls it eat-a-mommy. He thinks this is hilarious.) It's a baby soybean, boiled in the pod and salted. Loaded with protein and low in fat, it beats the nutritional pants off beans. I'll let you discover it for yourself if you haven't already. And if you have, you feel me, right? It's a good one, am I right? Right? You think it's a good choice, don't you? I can totally eat it for forty days. No problem. I think. (Can you tell I'm starting to have serious doubts about all this?)

But also in doing a test run, I'm making an executive decision to switch from pepper to salt for my single seasoning. No salt? What was I thinking? Salt is so perfect, it's biblical. I mean, even God likes salt. And Job said it perfectly: "Is tasteless food eaten without salt? ... I refuse to touch it; such food makes me ill." Job 6:6-7 After eating a bowl of peppered rice, I couldn't agree more.

So, no pepper. Salt. Tap tap no trade backs.

Parting thought: I want you to think about this -- what would you pick if you were doing this? What five things could you stand to look at, day in and day out, for forty days? What would you have to give up? Just think it over. Mull it around. Then, tomorrow, I'll have a follow-up question for you. Stay tuned.

Eight Days and Counting

My Pick Five simplification is so close. I'm beginning to feel the waves of preparation and anticipation flow through me. It's like the deep breath before plunging to the bottom of the pool.

The cool thing is, that I have already started to see changes in me and, in turn, my family. As some of you may know, my daughter hosted a lemonade stand a couple of weeks ago to raise money for Casa Hogar, an orphanage in Mexico. I told her that her reward was in heaven for doing such a selfless thing. She smiled ear to ear. That's beautiful, but not the whole story.

So, a couple of days ago I told her that she was going to help me this Saturday in giving hotdogs to the homeless in Austin. My son, who is five, said he wanted to join us. (I'm thinking "hotdog" must have struck him as something he wanted to be involved in.) So I asked him why he wanted to go. His answer: "Because, um... maybe... I think I want to get an award in heaven, too."

What a lovely thing, that he would have tucked that phrase away in his little heart for MORE THAN A WEEK as something special. Something that he aspired to obtain. During this 40-day Pick Five exercise, there will be an emphasis in my house on the needy, the hungry, the oppressed. Being that my kids have everything they need, I think it's important for them to know that not every child does.

And there are things that we can do to help.

As for the reward in heaven, a little delayed gratification never hurt a kid.

Sometimes You Just Need a...

Pass.

Strong to the Finish

'Cause I eats me spinach. I'm Popeye the sailor man. Toot toot!

Yep:

1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

3. Spinach

Spinach is a delicious and nutritious leafy green. It is rich in Vitamins A, C, K and folate. It is mildly anti-inflammatory and can be eaten raw or lightly steamed.

Popeye knew what he was doing, because this is one food that's packed with some serious punch.

By the way, did anyone else ever notice that Popeye's, "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam," rings eerily similar to, "I AM THAT I AM," found in Exodus 3:14? Except one is a cartoon character and one is, oh, I don't know... GOD?! I always thought that was strange.

Three down, two to go. Any suggestions? (Feel free to comment at any time.)

Nothing to Eat

How many times have you opened the fridge or pantry, stared into it, only to shut it again? How many times today?

In my pantry right now I have over 75 food items,

and my fridge has more than 35 food choices,

four beverage options, and 28 condiments.

Why do I feel like I have nothing to eat?

And it's all just one more reason I am preparing for my Pick Five challenge. My idea of "nothing to eat" is gravely erroneous.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I'm sort of embarrassed to think how many times I have answered the question, "What's wrong?" with, "I need coffee." Sometimes people get this pained look and say, "Hey, is everything all right?" and I answer, "I just need coffee." Within my close circle, it's become quite known. "Come on over; I'll throw on a pot for you." Even my kids have got my number. When my kiddo was two and a half, she called me out in the van one day: "Mommy, you grumpy. You need coffee?"

Sadly, coffee has become a condition of my personality.

So, here I stand at the doorway to Pick Five. I'm holding rice and almonds and I've tucked water and pepper into my pocket. But do I NEED coffee? There's a voice, right now as I'm typing, that is screaming in my head, "YES! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" But I know that there are nutritious things that I need, that I shouldn't sacrifice, for this addiction I have. But... it's coffee... I know I could ween -- I'd need to start soon -- but I just. like. coffee. so. much.

And I think that is exactly that why I can't take it with me on my 40-day journey.

So sorry, old friend. I'll see you on the other side.

Loopholes

Why am I trying to find loopholes in my own game? Ever since I started thinking about narrowing my food plate to five items, I have been barraged with questions from my friends, and have been battling within myself...

Does coffee count?

What about spices?

Can you switch one of your five halfway through?

Can it be a complex food like tortillas, or does it have to be in its natural state?

I'm ready to throw the whole thing out, and I haven't even started. It is so in my nature to rebel against the rules. It seems silly. I should want to follow them, right? I made them. I mean, I suppose it's my prerogative to bend them/break them/ignore them. But I'm not going to get tied up in rules and stuff. This is an exercise in simplicity, after all.

However -- I am going to allow WATER as a freebie. And I figure, everyone in the world has access to something that they can crush up and put on their food, so I'm allowing ONE SPICE not to count.

So, sue me. I'm tucking water and pepper into my pocket (but no salt, eek).

And my second food for my 40-day Pick Five is.... par-a-dum-da-da-dum...

2. Brown Rice

I love a good complex carbohydrate. They are good fillers, rich in energy producing stuff, and brown rice has a lot of fiber, which I am all too scared I'll need. Also, you can't beat the bite and nutty flavor of this delicious staple.

1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

So far, so brown. Better get some color soon.