So, I don't know if it's the lack of coffee, the Pick Five in general, the kids making a mess in the house all day, or my husband working so much overtime lately (Thanks, honey. You're so strong and dedicated to providing for us all), but today was just hard. It was hard.
And then later I went to meet up with some friends for a fondue party. How fun is that? Jack cheese and cheddar cheese, chocolate peanut butter caramel, and white chocolate, and about 20 different things to dip into these four melted luxuries. Wine, beer, laughter. And then the microwave dinged.
"Whose bowl of brown rice, edamame, and spinach is this?"
Someone else, "Whose do you think?"
And we stood around, mingled, and I ate my dinner and tried not to draw too much attention to myself. It wasn't that I wanted to eat what everyone else was eating. I mean, sure I did. But I wasn't tempted in that way. I just felt thin, transparent, disconnected from myself. It was just a hard day. I don't know how else to explain it.
This wasn't supposed to be easy. It wouldn't have the same effect if it were. When you ask for God to change your heart, the outcome is always right, it's just that the process of removing the old crusty heart can leave you feeling vulnerable, fragile. I'm leaning a little more on the Lord today, and waiting for the new heart to sync up.
No comments:
Post a Comment