Pick Five

Ripples

2011-11-16T03:05:00.001-08:00

My Pick Five experiment was over 2 years ago. It's amazing to me. It's been a thread throughout the last two years of my life. There are times when I feel like I have too much, I need to have it too much, or I think about it too much, whatever 'it' may be. And then I remember. I remember that God takes away the need and replaces it with a desire for more of Himself. If I'm listening. If I stop for the moment, He nudges and says, "Okay, Susana. Um... need? Did you really just say 'need'? You really need it? Nah uh." Not God's actual voice, by the way. That's just how I hear Him in my valley girl inner voice. And then I think about it. I stop my crazy frenzied busy life and just think. And it takes about two seconds to realize I'm being selfish, wasteful, excessive, etc etc. All the things I wanted not to be when I started Pick Five. And all the things God painstakingly and lovingly wrung from my being over 40 days.

Last year, I had another lesson in humility. I went in for a quick trim, wanting to punk up my hair a little with some shorter layers and long lengths. A little miscommunication and yada yada yada I walked out with a mullet. Let me repeat. I had a mullet. A real, genuine mullet. Like, the top half of my head of hair was 2" long. Uh huh. A mullet. I took it in stride, tried to rock it a few times unsuccessfully, and basically just wore my hair up for EIGHT MONTHS until my Jack and the Beanstalk magic growing hair grew out long enough to call it normal. I wore it down one day after the grieving period had passed and I was feeling confident again, and this woman stopped me at my kids' swim practice and said, "You have such beautiful hair." I completely lost it. The tears flowing, I explained that I hadn't heard that in eight months. Since 'the incident'. That poor woman was just trying to pay me a compliment, and I unloaded on how difficult and stressful the time had passed. In hindsight, I'm realizing that I may have a problem with hair vanity. Mmmmkay. Get a grip, Suz.

I've put on like 10 or 12 (or 20) pounds since then, with times that I wish I could see myself for all the ridiculous amounts of food I've eaten. I had to move up to my fat pants over October's annual resurgence of candy corn. Whatever. That stuff's insanely good. I started working again, stopped working out, and let some important life habits dwindle away. It's probably time for a little overhaul. I was flipping my hair the other day around the house. I had just done a number with the straightening iron and was looking like I'd just stepped out of a "Just stepped out of a salon" commercial. I was ACTUALLY thinking that God should have given my hair to someone with more humility because I couldn't get over JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL my own hair was. (Okay, I get it. Hair vanity.) It was just at this moment, as I'm swinging my hair and rocking my hips back and forth through my living room that I hear from the innocent 9-year old voice behind me, "Mom, your butt jiggles every time you walk. That's hilarious." Yeah. Good feeling's gone.

So, I think God's still working on me.

In exciting news, Pick Five had a baby! My friend Jen Hatmaker, whom I wrote about in a couple of the first posts from Pick Five, wrote a book whose first line is, get this,

"This is all Susana's fault."

That's how the book starts! You see, God had been working on Jen and her family, too. In many many ways. And her book Interrupted was one of the books that I had been reading before I started Pick Five. When I started Pick Five, she -in turn- had been reading some of my blog posts and people in our circles were talking about it. And over a six month period, she planned and began her own experiment in wringing out excess. And she wrote a book. "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess." She does SEVEN pick fives, except hers are pick sevens. Food, clothes, money, lots of good stuff that you're going to laugh and cry over. She's an amazing writer. And "7" is available for preorder on Amazon. Cool, right? And even though I haven't read it all yet, I can't wait to have it in my hands, because I know it's going to bring back some serious memories and revive the feelings that were born of those moments. (Jen did send me an advanced text copy, and I read a couple of pages before deciding to wait for the real book -- because I prefer real books any day of the week -- so I did a little word search for my name, because I'm a narcissist, and called it a day.) (22 times.) So, you should totally buy her book. It comes out in January. It's an extension of what I did here, and should be so so good.

God is good. And He's faithful when we say to Him, "I don't want to care about what the world around me cares about. Take away the excess. I want to care about what is close to your heart."

Day 40: The Prize

2009-09-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Calves burning, she wills her body forward. Beads of sweat have gathered on her forehead, on her hairline. Fists pump back and forth as the final stretch of blacktop lays before her like a red carpet. The cheering crowd takes second place to the thumping of her heart, the rhythm of her blood pulsing through her body, her head, her ears. Push, push. Her face is stretched back, her mouth is dry, but she keeps going, sees the end ever nearing. Almost there, almost there. Push, push. An euphoric tingle starts in her ankles, makes its way up to her knees, her shoulders, her neck. Her vision blurs as the noise of the crowd becomes sharper, louder. Her eyes narrow and she sees it. The finish line. Her muscles get the message and reenergize, pushing forward, propelling itself at will, finding the lost adrenaline in every pocket in which it was hiding as finally, finally the thin ribbon cuts into her chest, her arms as she tears through and slows to a painful, breathless walk, a steady pulsation of blood, sweat, saliva, tears. And her body starts the internal assessment of damage, begins making a list of repairs. Muscles, tendons, water level. Check, check, check. But she is finished. The race is won.

I wish I could say that I was talking about me. But the truth is, I haven't finished yet. I've barely even started. I got stopped a ways back. I couldn't catch my breath, my feet hurt, and I was getting blisters. I wasn't really ready for the race. And I knew I needed help. So, over the last 40 days, I got myself a personal trainer, my body became my slave, and I earned enough salt to buy a new pair of running shoes. I'm lacing them up now. I'm stretching. I'll run better now, I can feel it. And tomorrow, I hit the pavement once again. I may not be the best runner, but thanks to Pick Five, I'm better equipped now than I was 40 days ago. And I'm running with intent to win. For the glory of the Lord my God, and for the sake of His kingdom.

"I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." I Corinthians 9:23-27

Day 39: The Totals

2009-09-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Recipe for Pick Five. Over the last 39 days, I have eaten:

18 pounds of almonds

89 apples

10 pounds rice (uncooked weight)

14 pounds edamame

52 cups spinach

14.5 teaspoons salt

16.25 gallons of water

(I think the apples have it. Although, I don't know. 52 cups of spinach is a heck of a lot. And 14 pounds edamame... don't get me started.)

Temptations. During the course of Pick Five, I made (for various occasions):

14 custom cakes

10 dozen cookies (including ginger-molasses, chocolate chip, oatmeal cranberry and peanut butter)

3 dozen brownies

I think this is the busiest cake/cookie season I've ever had. Nary a finger licked. I hope you never have to watch cookie dough wash off your fingers into the sink. It's not for the faint of heart.

Losses:

Appetite for edamame.

12 pounds.

Half my head of hair (though that stopped when I started eating more spinach and almonds. It was an iron deficiency. Getting thicker already. Thank you for your prayers and concern.)

A few pieces of my "self" that weren't going to make it through the 40 days.

Gains:

Appreciation, empathy, humility (am I allowed to say that? I guess so.), sobriety, simplicity, preparedness.

And tomorrow, I will give you some parting thoughts. But that's enough to digest for today. (Hardy har har.)

Day 38: Seek and You Will Find

2009-09-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..." (See title box for reference. This has been an important scripture for me for the last 38 days.)

Anyone up for a last minute word study?

Seek: ζητέω (Greek: zeteo)

1. to seek in order to find

a. to seek a thing

b. to seek in order to find out by thinking, meditating, reasoning

c. to seek after, strive for

2. to seek i.e. require

a. to crave, demand something from someone

I love all of these definitions of seek. The meditation one is interesting. It's the only one that's "be still". The others require an action. But they all work. The last one, to crave. Well, you know that hits home. But demand something... that reminds me of Jacob wrestling with God. "I will not let you go unless you bless me," Jacob says to the figure in Genesis 32:26. It's bold.

I feel like these four definitions are like my "five stages of grief" for Pick Five. Dealing with grief, according to the Kubler-Ross model, takes you through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Pick Five, on the other hand, is about seeking, about a search. It has taken me through seeking a thing, meditation, striving for, and demanding.

1a. To seek a thing

When I began Pick Five, I wasn't sure what that thing was. I knew that I was gluttonous and unappreciative. But I wasn't seeking to only correct those things. I knew that I was going to learn from the experience, but couldn't put my finger on what it was. I was seeking a thing. And I think that thing was, quite simply, change.

1b. To seek in order to find out by thinking, meditating, reasoning

This is by far the hardest thing a mother of three can try to do with her time. Room to think and meditate is a rare commodity. But it was during the quiet car rides, it was early in the morning before the children woke, and it was late in the evening when the children slept that I was able to commune with God on a realistic scale. These were the moments where I remembered to ask Him what He would have me say, and what He would have me learn. These times were the seconds and minutes that I actually got to ask myself the question that I got bombarded with all day long, "Well, how is it going?" and be able to give myself an honest answer. Leaving room in the margins for thinking, meditating, reasoning was the only way for me to seek in order to find out.

1c. To seek after, to strive for

seek a thing : strive for :: being healthy : exercise

A little bit of SAT lingo for you. "Seek a thing" is to "strive for" as "being healthy" is to "exercise". Let me break it down. We all want to be healthy, right? Anyone saying different is looking for an excuse to eat a donut. But we say it: I want to be healthy. Then it comes time to eat right and exercise, and you get to the put-up-or-shut-up stage. You step on the treadmill. You start it up, it accelerates. Cool, I'm exercising. Yep, I can do this. Getting healthier already. Whoo... Okay... Healthy me.... healthy, healthy, healthy... whoo... how long do I have to do this before I can go get a Chick-fil-A milkshake? That's how I felt at about day seven. Pick Five started with a desire to change. I wanted to seek that thing. But forty days. Was I willing to strive for, to seek after that change with passion, with earnestness. Day five, day seven, day 11, day 12, day 13, day 18, day 19, day 21, day 28, and day 31 all have something in common. That's when I wanted to throw in the towel. (And those were just the days I admitted it.) But God gave me the gifts of patience and persistence (if only for this season), so I wouldn't just seek a thing, but I would seek after it, strive for it.

2a. To crave, demand something from someone

Now, here I am at the end of this journey. Two days left. And I feel like I'm Jacob, wrestling with God. "I will not let go unless you bless me." I'm not asking for blessINGS. In fact, the word bless here is the Hebrew word ברך (barak), which means to bless, or to kneel. The most primitive usages of the word involve bending of the knees or a literal breaking. I've had some breaking down during this time, and it's not fun, but now I'm craving more. The fruit of His breaking, His causing us to kneel before Him, His blessing, is unbelievable. And it's addictive. But now I've convinced myself that God is only able to do a work in me in the next two days or time's up. You might think it's silly for me to feel that way. But looking at it, I guess that's how I should feel every day. Like Jacob. There was an urgency that Jacob had. He knew that he had something special in his grasp, and he didn't want to let it go. So God blessed Jacob (oh yeah, and threw his hip out of joint). And Jacob walked away limping. It is this craving, this demanding nature that we need to have with God on a daily basis. If our relationship is so real with God that we can respectfully demand blessing, we will walk away limping, every day. And that limp reminds us that God touched our life, and we are forever changed.

Mat 6:25, 31-33 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?... So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But SEEK first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Days 36&37: It's Not About the Food

2009-09-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, right.

This is like Leonard Nimoy's book "I Am Not Spock," or Lance Armstrong's "It's Not About The Bike." (Nimoy wrote a follow up book 20 years later. The title: "I Am Spock." I guess he changed his mind.)

But, really, it's not about the food.

I know I talked a lot about what I ate, what I was going through with food. Pick Five is, by it's own definition, about food. Pick five what? Pick five foods to eat.

But it's not about the food.

Mostly, it has been a lesson in discipline. A lesson in leaning on the Lord. Looking back at some of my posts that I wrote before I started, I realized the Lord had accomplished some serious work with me.

I wanted to care more, and I do.

I wanted to appreciate, and I do.

I wanted to be motivated to help, and I am.

I wanted the Lord to work some stuff out in me, and He has/is.

I wanted to simplify life, and it's getting there.

All of it is from the Lord. All of it.

And besides the coffee, I honestly have not thought past day 40. (Okay, fine. I considered a bowl of oatmeal. I miss breakfast!) But if I were to plan all the things I'm going to eat, and start to make my list, I would be right back to my Veruca Salt self. I'm pretty sure that I'll keep it simple for a while. I want to. I'll cook what I have at hand, and I'll eat what is put in front of me. And I'll try not to go to the grocery store when I'm hungry.

With only three days left, I want to give God my all. I don't want to neglect what He's trying to say because I'm too busy dreaming of cookies or cheese or a fully-loaded baked potato. (Thanks, Greg. Now I can't get that potato out of my head. Except Greg purposefully spells it "potata". This was #2 on my friend's husband's proposed Pick Five list. Right between steak and beer.)

It's not about the food.

I'm hoping that if I keep saying that, I can squeeze out the small-but-obstinate minority vote in me that's still obsessing about the food. There's much bigger issues on the table, after all.

Day 35: Serve Somebody

2009-09-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

I had a friend in fourth grade named Rachel. She and I, along with our friend Larissa, formed a girl club trio. "The Colorful Hearts." (It was fourth grade, okay?) But we were official -- we had jackets with our name and club logo on them, thanks to Larissa's mom who owned an embroidery shop. We swore our loyalty to each other, and were inseparable at every free moment. But let's just be clear, Rachel ran our lives. (I may be a pushy broad now, but it came later in life.) We did whatever that girl said.

Rachel: Go tell Luke you think he's cute.

Larissa: But you think he's cute, not me.

Rachel: Go tell him. I just want to see what he says.

Larissa: Okay.

Rachel: Let's have a play fight at recess.

Me: What do you mean?

Rachel: It'll be funny, and everyone will watch.

Me: Are you going to really hit?

Rachel: No. I said play fight.

To her credit, she didn't actually hit me. But she did pull my hair and kick my shins like a caged donkey. Real funny. One memory of Rachel that most sticks out in my mind was when the three of us decided we were going to dress up in costume the next day for school. Just for the fun of it. I was going to wear my soccer outfit and they would wear their Pop-Warner cheerleader outfits. (This should have been my first clue. One of these things is not like the other.) Well, I missed the memo that said that they had changed their minds. I wore knee-high soccer socks and short black shorts to school. This was not cool. People were staring at me the second I got out of the van. To a fourth grader, humiliating. But when I saw my friends not wearing their end of the deal, my heart sank. I started to take off the socks.

Rachel: What are you doing?

Me: I'm taking off my socks.

Rachel: No.

Me: Huh?

Rachel: No. We just forgot to wear ours. You still have to wear that. All day.

I remember sitting in my elementary school bathroom crying enormous tears over my silly soccer socks. Why did I listen to that girl? Because she was a leader, and I guess I needed someone to follow. And when you put yourself in the hands of another, you are at their mercy.

How much greater is our vulnerability, then, when we put ourselves at the mercy of the Lord? His power, believe it or not, exceeds that of my fourth-grade friend Rachel. When you put yourself out there for the Lord to do His work, when you say words like, "If you can use anything, Lord, use me," or like my friend Jen Hatmaker said, "God, raise up in me a holy passion," there is the possibility of a life turned upside down. Comfort: gone. Security: gone. Identity: gone. Expectations: pssht. Servanthood requires emptying of self and a filling up with the will of another. Now, I know God can wipe out life from the planet (hello, Noah?) and strike people dead in His anger (Nadab, Abihu), but I also know that he can deliver His people from the mighty hand of the Egyptians, preserve them through the ages, and send a Redeemer to save Israel and the nations. I'll take His will over Rachel's any day.

With that surrender comes a certain rawness. Because I've knocked down my walls and shelters and buffers, I feel a certain sobriety and helplessness that pushes me to trust God entirely. It's the stripped down self I asked for, I know. And compared to many modern day disciples across the globe, His calling on my life has required very little. Thus far. But let me tell you, Pick Five hasn't been a walk in the park, either.

One comfort I find is that I know, without a doubt, I'm in good hands.

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:8

Day 34: Act of Kindness

2009-09-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

Thank you, my friend, for the wonderful act of kindness you showed me tonight. As our group gathered around the snack table, folks oohed and ahed over your spread. And my cup overflowed.

You see, for our Restore Community meeting, a group of over a dozen adults, my friend and hostess had set out the following snacks:

1. Edamame

2. Apple slices (with optional dip)

3. Spinach salad with strawberries and some other delicious looking stuff, and a small bowl of plain spinach to the side.

4. Homemade applesauce (made only from apples)

5. Almonds

And, you won't believe this, but people actually ate!

I am so grateful that during your hectic crazy day, and in the process of getting your house ready to have guests, that you thought of me. That made me feel so special. You are a gem. A really sparkly gem.

(And while I'm at it, thank you to all of you friends and family who have been really supportive. From the "Want an apple? I think I have an apple," all the way to the brown rice pasta and multiple accommodations from my mom, and the crackers from my sister-in-law. You guys are the best.)

Day 33: Getting Creative

2009-09-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

So, I wanted to share with you some of the lovely (and not-so-lovely) combinations of the Five Foods that I have eaten over the last 33 days.

The Good:

1. Apples sliced horizontally (in circles) with almond butter*. Yum. Okay, I'm getting up right now to go make some before I go on... standby... okay muff bewwah. (That's me saying "much better" with apples and almond butter in my mouth.)

2. Diced apples, almond butter and sliced almonds mixed together for the morning meal formerly known as "breakfast".

3. Apple-spinach popsicles. This is a hard sell, I know. But if there's any of you out there who "juice" (with a juicer, not steroids), you understand that fruit + vegetable in the juicer = delicious. Frozen = deliciouser.

4. Apple-spinach-almond slaw salad. Match sticked (julienne cut) apples, raw spinach leaves cut into strips, sliced almonds (don't try to do this yourself. ouch). Toss and eat. I can't wait to try this with an actual dressing, like a raspberry vinaigrette, but it's pretty delicious as is.

5. Edamame in pods, dry sautéed then flash steamed with lightly salted water. Topped with kosher salt. There's a reason why P.F. Changs sells this stuff by the bucketload.

6. My sister-in-law, God love her, made a delicious cheesecake topped with handmade chocolate ruffles for an extended-family dinner. Riddled with guilt, she made me brown rice and almond crackers in consolation. She food-processed the two and smushed them into shape (A, did you bake them after? or just let them dry?). Anyway, they were pretty dry (it's not your fault! look what you were working with!) but when I topped them with almond butter and apple slices -- c'est magnifique!

The Bad:

1. Brown rice with diced apples and sliced almonds. I thought this would be good for breakfast, an oatmeal of sorts. Not good. Did I eat it anyway? Yes, yes I did.

2. Undercooked brown rice. And I had forgotten the salt. (It was a to-go.) Like eating a mouthful of roly-polies.

3. Bowl of edamame already out of pods. No better than a bowl of lima beans. Drink lots of water.

4. I accidently bought "extra fine chopped spinach" from the freezer section. Let me correct that. It was: Buy any premium frozen veg (i.e. edamame), and receive a free "extra fine chopped spinach". FREE. I bought seven sets. How could I pass that up? Well, except that the extra fine you-know-what was... extra fine. If I wanted to make a spinach pesto, this would have been perfect. It might as well have been spinach paste. Yuck.

The Ugly

These are the suggestions that some of my "friends" gave me. I contain the "friends" in quotes, because I detected a hint of a smirk under their suggestion, and I question their true intentions.

1. Edamame-apple-spinach smoothie. "It's like a protein shake!"

2. Brown rice pudding. "Well, you couldn't use sugar or milk or eggs. But I'd bet you could sweeten it with apple juice!"

3. Soy milk. As in, "You could make your own soy milk from edamame!"

And, no, I did not try any of these. Geez, give me some credit.

But, mostly I ate the Pick Five foods in their simplest form. And only cried over a bowl of edamame two or three times. I thanked God for the food, as I still do now, on day 33.

*Not all almond butters are created equally. Some have oils and sugar in them. The two that I used were MaraNatha Natural Almond Butter, ingredients: dry roasted almonds, and also the kind at the grocery store, where you flip the switch and watch the machine turn almonds into almond butter.

Day 32: That Which Comes After

2009-09-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

I so wanted to make this day light reading. For your sake. For my own sanity. But I can't. There's some things weighing so heavily, I would be faking it by trying to do a post about my on-again-off-again with edamame or my blissful regularity.

scared.

There are only eight days left in this Pick Five simplification. So few a number that AP guidelines says I have to spell it out instead of using the number 8. So few days I can use my hands to count. So little time that I can feel it sifting faster through the hourglass, narrowing its top half, becoming speedy and efficient in the final seconds.

And I don't want to leave Pick Five. I have developed Stockholm syndrome for my five captors. Although there were times I felt threatened by this process, there have been many acts of kindness, mercy, and protection that God has offered me through the experience. How can I go back? How can I eat fried chicken wings and chips and dip and pizza and wash it all down with a couple of beers at the next football game? (Well, I can't do that yet. My stomach would definitely fight back at this point.) How can I look at an ice cream sundae? How can I not feel a pang in my stomach for the hungry all over the world the next time I wolf down a pile of pasta?

Let me just say this. My dad said it to me in love. And it completely crushed me.

THERE IS NO DAY 41 IN ZAMBIA.

I hold that phrase in my hands like a child holds a dead bird or a dying puppy that was too weak to make it past birth. All I can do is stare at it and feel pain. I feel helpless. Lost. What do I do with this? Daddy, fix it.

And I guess that's just it. One more lesson. I can't fix it all. But I care. I care more now than I ever have. And if I care, it moves me to do something. If I think about the abundance when I get overwhelmed at the grocery store or in a restaurant, it will bring me back to this place right here, and I can choose simplicity over extravagance. If I think about the hungry here and abroad, I will narrow my grocery budget and use the difference to help someone else eat. If I think I need this one more thing to make my life complete, I can think of the millions of people who are without it and doing just fine. And I will pray and petition to the Creator of the Universe about the rest of it, to do what only He can. Daddy, fix it.

Which brings about a new fear. (I think I need post-traumatic Pick Five counseling.) What if that which I feel right now, this pain, this caring, this raw and basic desire to simplify and help others... what if it goes away?

So, for those of you who pray for Pick Five, who pray for me, don't worry about whether or not I'll be able to finish out my final days. At this point, I'm all in. I'm more concerned about what comes after. Please pray for that.

Day 31: Walking the Line

2009-08-31T22:22:00.000-07:00

Up to half of my kingdom for a cup of coffee.

Now that I've got that out of the way...

Can I be honest here? Can I just say it and be exposed? I will. There is this really dangerous line in doing righteous acts. There is this fuzzy, squirmy line that slips under your feet while you're not looking. That when we do something good and worthy, suddenly we find ourselves in a place of our own honoring, looking smartly at our reflections, clicking and pointing our gun-fingers at ourselves with an attaboy and a wink. And we look at others differently.

The scribes and the pharisees had good intentions. Their desire was to follow the law and honor the commandments. But somewhere along the way, some of them allowed this line to make it's way under their lifted feet like a jump rope. And when they came face to face with the promised seed of Abraham, some of them were too busy patting themselves on the back and ignoring the masses to realize Jesus was who he claimed to be. And boy did they get an earful from the chosen one.

There have been a couple of moments for me, during this Pick Five season, where I have thought too highly of myself. Where I thought, Gee, Me, you're pretty impressive. Very quickly I realized my error and repented. But then there's the second part. Others.

We live in a world and in a society of all kinds of people, all kinds of socioeconomic standard, and all kinds of personal convictions. My conviction to live simpler and appreciate more is not for everyone. It happens to fit well for me, since I have little choice in the matter anyway. :) But doing Pick Five and learning to live without and appreciate and help out in no way allows me to look down my nose and click my silent tongue at those whose convictions are different. It is not fair to judge someone in my heart who seems to spend money on useless things, or waste time on fruitless efforts, just because I think I know how better to steward their income or time. Who am I? Nobody.

But that line, that tricky tricky line. It's the same one that we slide across when we have a good stint of exercise. And by that I mean like three or four gym visits within a two week period, when we're suddenly "in shape" and healthy and Goodness Gracious, you're not really going to eat that cheeseburger, are you? God, I couldn't do that after that really hard cardio kickboxing class I took today. The line. Or when we're in the grocery store, and for some miracle from heaven our children are behaving themselves and following closely and not fighting or taking things off the shelves. And we hear the shout from two aisles down. Mommy, I want it! No, don't take it! It's mine! IT'S MINE!!! Our children's halos appear and we smirk and puff up our chest at every passerby, because Look at me. I'm the good mom. The line.

So, forgive me friends. Once again. Because even though I can put on the righteous front, inside I am filled with dead men's bones and everything unclean. And God sees the me that I cover up, and God sees the me that I don't even know I'm covering up.

But I thank Him for that. It is such a relief that someone knows me, knows every secret I keep, knows the things that would mortify if released. And that He still loves me, and is ever waiting for me to return to Him, and wants to do the things through me that I so desperately try to do on my own.

I cannot love if I have put a wedge between me and others, even the lowest of the low of society. Because we are all the same. Broken. And I think I just got my reminder.

Days 29&30: Action

2009-08-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how easy it has been to serve in my community lately.

Look at me! Am I just too great?!

No... trust me. I know all about humility. I struggle with it daily. I'm really telling you this to be an encouragement to you, because for so long I felt stagnant. I felt like I could barely keep my life, my house, and my family in order, and couldn't figure out how I could possibly drop everything to go serve dinner at the soup kitchen. I have kids, I have a job, I'm too busy, I don't have extra money to give. I had all the excuses.

But when I started Pick Five on August 1st, one of the goals was to teach my kids and become more aware myself about the need in the world, and the need in my own community. So, I felt I had better pony up the goods and start looking around for stuff to do.

Turns out, there's plenty. And every one has been more blessing than burden. Right off the bat, me and the kids swung by Capital Area Food Bank and picked up 3 large donation boxes. They each hold around 150 lbs of food. They have been sitting in the foyer of the gym where I work, since August 1st. I'll tell you the final poundage tomorrow when I weigh them, but after one month ALL THREE BOXES are full. Tomorrow I'll drive them back over to CAFB. How easy was that? A 1/2 hour one day, and a 1/2 hour 31 days later. And likely over 400 lbs of food for the hungry in my community.

And today, I participated in a Communities in Schools classroom makeover at a local high school. This classroom/office space is home to three or four vital counselors, from crisis intervention to pregnancy management and prevention to at-risk counseling. All of them are committed to lower high school drop out numbers. So our team of a dozen or so volunteers went in and turned a closet-like storage room space into six private office spaces and a group therapy room with the most peaceful and calm atmosphere. My kids came too. Now, I could watch HGTV all day, but to be able to do a room makeover that blesses an entire community of high schoolers and those dedicated to help them... sign me up any day of the week. I get why Ty Pennington loves his job.

Tuesday, some friends of mine are hosting a Great American Bake Sale. They're setting up a table at the south Austin Lifetime near the Life Cafe and selling homemade baked goods by the dozens. All proceeds benefit No Kid Hungry, a program that supports meal programs for kids who wouldn't otherwise have anything to eat, and makes sure that local donations help local kids. So, I threw some cookies in the oven, and I'll drop them by when they set up. Stop by after work and pick up a cake or some cookies! (No need to be a member.)

One of the cool things about serving locally and encouraging others to walk along side of you, is that slowly you begin to build a community where you are all offering each other opportunities to serve, championing one another in your efforts, and making the weight of the world a little lighter by bearing the burden together. I just love the folks at ANC for giving me a jump start.

A young co-worker of mine stopped me the other day. His words are still tied up in a little locket with a red satin bow and tucked away in my heart. "You're, like, changing your little corner of the world. That's cool."

"Well," I said back, "God is changing me, you know?"

Isaiah 58 9-10

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday."

Mar 12:28-31

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

Need some ideas for your own life? See the MOVE ME INTO ACTION section for some suggestions.

Day 28: Are We There Yet?

2009-08-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

11 days, 2 hours, 22 minutes... but who's counting?

Feeling a little antsy today. I couldn't sit down with my family for dinner. It all looked too good. Which I guess is my own fault. I mean, I'm the one who cooked. I just kept myself busy with serving the kids and cleaning up the kitchen and then packing up the leftovers. I ate afterward. Something about eating rice and edamame for the 56th time, (No, really. Do the math.) when the rest of the family is eating steak, potatoes, fresh veggies and french bread. It's like going to the Louvre with your art class to do some sketches and breaking out the 24-pack of Crayolas. Doesn't quite measure up.

My 5-year old asked me, "Do you still have Pick Five?" When I answered him yes, he looked frustrated. "You should just give that away. Someone else can have Pick Five." Well, today I would have agreed.

But, as I look back on these past four weeks -- wait, let's just take a moment here. FOUR WEEKS. You with me? Okay. Now back to the previously scheduled sentence -- I have come to realize that I have felt this way at the end of each week. Friday brings a Pick Five depression of sorts. It's the mounting of the week's responsibility and vulnerability and irritability all wrapped tightly into a TGIF doggie bag. And it starts to stink. And yet by Sunday, I'm usually doing markedly better. But wait -- that means that Saturday must be special. Oh yeah, it is.

So, bring on the Sabbath. Bring on the rest and peace and time of refreshing. 'Cause I need it. Bad.

Psalm 92 "A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day. It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp. For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. How great are your works, O Lord, how profound your thoughts!"

Day 27: Be Glorified

2009-08-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

It is so humbling to think that what started out as a belly ache over 4300 calories, and a heartache over Zambians and their single bowl of nshima, has morphed its way into Day 27 of this thing called Pick Five, where I sit right now, in a life-pause holding pattern, developing my mind and heart, and eating an apple-spinach popsicle. (Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.) I would so love to take credit for the 736 views and the 193 absolute unique visitors to Pick Five and the dozens of people who have told me personally that this is making a change in their lives. But the reality is, this is way bigger than me. I am just riding this wave and letting the barrel roll over me. All I did was paddle out when I saw a big one coming.

There are these moments in life that present themselves, and you have the unique opportunity to make a difference. Not so that you can feel better. Not so that you can contribute. Not even so that someone else might benefit. But so that God can say, "I did that." And we can say, "Yes you did. Thanks."

God, the God of the Universe, the God of time, space, and eternity, is here in the now. He is present with us right now. And in order to pick up the waves he's spinning out there every day, we've got to paddle out. We've got to make ourselves available. We've got to say, "Send me, God. I'll do it."

Being a part of this experience has opened my eyes to small joys, to small sacrifices, to small betterments of which I can also take part. I have revived an old song I used to sing in Sunday school. I taught it to my kids. It is a simple song, and yet it's simple message is a prayer, a request, a reminder to us that we ought to be seeking not our own glory or accolades (we will always fail to deliver the goods) but the fame and notoriety for the One who sets it all into motion. Singing the message out loud sets our minds on course for the day; it lays out the readiness carpet, that we might walk in it.

In my life, Lord, be glorified. Be glorified. In my life, Lord, be glorified today.

In my work, Lord, be glorified. Be glorified. In my work, Lord, be glorified today.

In my school, Lord, be glorified. Be glorified. In my school, Lord, be glorified today.

In my words, Lord, be glorified. Be glorified. In my words, Lord, be glorified today.

For those of us less traditional, there's this.

(Updates: still doing fine, hair's starting to look better.)

Day 26: Fidelity

2009-08-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

fi⋅del⋅i⋅ty, noun.

faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support

Today is my parents 36th wedding anniversary. They were married in 1973. My dad wore a ruffled shirt, Napoleon Dynamite hair, and a 'stache you could only get away with in the '70s. My mom's hair was long and center-parted. Under her floor-length, empire-waist dress, she wore leather sandals at the reception. We call 'em the Jesus Walkers. She still has them. They raised six lovely (if I do say so myself) children, and stood side by side through times of plenty and times of need, emergency room visits (four of the six are boys), pastoring a fellowship, moving their family halfway across the country, more than a dozen graduations, their six children's weddings and now enjoy the company of THIRTEEN grandchildren when the family gets together. Which is often.

Fidelity is from the Latin fidelis, which means faithfulness. It reminds me of the scripture, Proverbs 3:3 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

When God gives a good gift, many times it also requires something of you. There is work and discipline and upkeep on your end. This is our spiritual act of stewardship. How we treat what we have been given. When my parents got married, it wasn't just a blessing they took on easily and lightly. We don't live in a two-dimensional world where we have a paper doll outfit that gets tacked onto our own personal paper doll for each gift and stays until we decide to remove it. Marriage, fold back the tabs. Children, add them on... fold back the tabs. No. Instead we walk, carrying our gifts and burdens and pressing onward. We have dynamic relationships between those around us, who sometimes make our burdens lighter or heavier. We bend and move and make decisions that affect our eternity. Our faithfulness to uphold the gifts can be hard. Many times it requires sacrifice. And we don't always do everything right. We can never do justly and mercifully what we ought to, and we forget to be thankful and appreciative of our gifts as we must be. We do our best.

But then there's our Saviour, the Messiah Jesus. And His fidelity to us is stronger than anything we might try to wedge in between. Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

God has stuck with us for so long, for so many generations. For all of the infidelity and unfaithfulness that the world seems to vomit onto our lives, God has always been faithful. He will always be our devoted spouse, drawing us ever nearer to himself.

There is something so beautiful about being committed to uphold the gifts that God has given me. My marriage, my children, my faith, and also with Pick Five. It isn't always easy. The burden of the gift can sometimes outweigh the benefits. But our returned fidelity to the gifts that God has given us comes with unbelievable rewards. I see it in my parents' relationship. I see it in my own marriage and in the eyes of my children. And as I press onward, carrying Pick Five in the backpack of my life's journey, being faithful to this small gift of discipline and growth that the Lord has given me, I am beginning to see its rewards as well.

Day 25: In Training

2009-08-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

My friend Betsy adopted her son out of a small village in Ethiopia. There, the local women and children are sent to fetch water for daily use. They have to walk miles to get to the closest water source. Not closest CLEAN WATER source, just water source. Let's just forget about food for today. Let's talk in the most simple terms.

Clean water.

"In rural Ethiopia, only 1 person in 3 has access to clean water. Millions of people die every year because they don’t have access to their most simple and basic need – clean water... Children are especially vulnerable to the consequences of unsafe water. Of the 42,000 deaths that occur every week from unsafe water and a lack of basic sanitation, 90% are children under 5 years old." From the Water To Thrive website.

Water To Thrive is an organization dedicated to getting clean water to those in need. They build clean water wells in Ethiopia. My friend Betsy has been working closely with them and has hopes that they will build a well in her son's hometown.

On September 19th, Water To Thrive is hosting a 5K and Kids K at the Hill Country Galleria in Bee Cave, TX.

This will be my first race.

Just as Pick Five is a training for my life to come, a discipline exercise in simplicity, appreciation, and empathy, so now I'm also training my body to run 3.125 miles. This is harder than it sounds. (For me.) But if it saves a woman or child a daily walk just to get water that might do more harm than good, I'd say it's worth it.

So, how 'bout it? Ready to lace up the sneakers with me?

Day 24: The Power Nap

2009-08-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

Don't underestimate the power of good sleep.

I, too, used to use coffee as liquid sleep replacement.

But now that I don't have that option, even with a good night's sleep, I am forced into one of two circumstances. Either I take a nap in the middle of the day and have the energy to make it through until bedtime, or I fall asleep at 8:30pm on the couch while reading with my seven year old.

I did not take a nap today.

And I have been asleep on the couch for the last hour.

And I'm going to go back to sleep when I'm through typing.

This new process has taught me that my body has actual, natural need to cease and recover. This is a hard reality to accept. I'm of the five-a-day breed (cups of coffee). I don't like to stop. Ever. There's too much to do. But, I have come to terms with this new rhythm. I have embraced it. I have learned to utilize my awake time better, and not store everything on my to-do list until the kids are asleep. Because, well, the list won't get done if I'm crashed on the couch.

It came to a head the other night when I was forced to bed by fatigue and had to leave a note for my husband, who comes home at 4:45am from his night beat. It read:

"About the house: I can do better. I promise."

Learning this natural rhythm is important to me as a person. It means that instead of letting my body break down so that I can be "productive", I must learn to be efficient with the time that I am given, and allow my body to take care of itself. Previously ignored by the next cup of coffee. Now more important. That's good. I like that.

Days 22&23: The Edamame Saga

2009-08-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

Something has changed -- physically, chemically, biologically -- with the way my taste receptor cells are receiving edamame. Dare I say it?

I like edamame again.

I know that my thoughts on Pick Five, and my emotional highs and lows have been fickle, fluctuating. (To say the least. If you charted my emotions on paper, you'd need a seismograph.) Life is full of these ups and downs, but in real life, I usually tend to downplay the mercurial extremes so as to appear more sane. I obviously have not done that here, so don't go calling the state hospital on me.

But for the last few days, I have really enjoyed edamame. It tastes buttery and rich, and the texture is actually quite pleasing when combined with the nutty, al dente brown rice. I can't explain it, other than to give God the glory for granting me this small mercy.

It's as if all the foods have taken on a heightened taste. The almonds have been extremely fragrant. The apples, sweeter. The spinach, creamy and savory. The rice, more filling. The water, more satisfying. What kind of world is this?!

I realize now that what God has given me for these 40 days is enough. These five simple foods that he created with his hand are pleasing to my body. My response can be none other than thanks.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for rice. Thank you for edamame. Thank you for spinach. Thank you for apples. Thank you for almonds. Thank you for salt. Thank you for water.

Dayenu. It would have been enough.

Romans 12: 1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your reasonable act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Day 21: Two Losses

2009-08-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

So, everyone keeps asking. It's a natural question. I mean, think about what I'm eating. For the first time in a long time, I'm taking in the right amount of calories for my body weight. And since I've been exercising, it was bound to happen. So, I'll come clean about the question that people ask me out of the side of their mouths so as not to disturb the spiritual waters of Pick Five.

I've lost eight pounds.

This is decent news, since over the last year I have slowly grown out of my wardrobe and resigned myself to the "dumpy wardrobe". I have been blessed over the years to receive gorgeous and well-made clothes from a benevolent friend of a friend (read: rockin' hand-me-downs) that I have put to pitiful use because of my size change. And now, I can make her donations work overtime for all the wear they're going to get.

But don't go jumping on the Pick Five not-a-diet diet bandwagon until you hear the second loss.

I think my hair is falling out. I'm trying not to panic. At first, I chalked it up to summer time molting. Then, I thought it was because I was wearing it in an updo a lot lately, and so some hairs were ripping out. But now, I'm starting to worry. For those of you who don't know me, this is like Beyonce losing her derrière, or Elizabeth Taylor's eyes suddenly turning brown. I know, not very modest comparisons, as I am neither Beyonce or Elizabeth. But my long red tresses thinning out would be a major blow to my ego. I feel really conflicted about this. I don't want to be vain about my looks, but I really don't want to lose my hair. I feel defeated. Ugh.

Please, God. Don't teach me this lesson in humility. Please. please.

(Maybe an increase/decrease in one of the five that could make a difference. Or maybe one of my prescriptions is doing it. Must look into it.)

Day 20: Halftime Dance

2009-08-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

So... hmm... what's new... oh, yeah... I'M HALFWAY THROUGH!!!

Let me take this moment to do a happy little Snoopy jig.

... still jigging...

... wait, one more...

... okay, I'm done.

For twenty days, I have been 99.998% loyal to Pick Five (-.001 each for the accidently chewed and spit out baby carrot and the two drops of gravy).

Before I realized it was day 20 today, I was really grumpy. The multiple errands in 100º heat with three children was getting to me. But then I signed the last receipt on the last errand, remembered it was the 20th, and my whole mood changed.

I had a lilt in my step as I took the kids to the Austin Children's Museum and played like a five-year old for two hours. So much fun.

I can't believe it. Half way. Praise God.

Please stay with me. Keep praying. It hasn't exactly flown by. And just as Moses held up his arms during the battle against the Amalekites, so I continue on until this is complete. But Moses had help, too. His arms got tired, and Aaron and Hur held them up for him, so that the Israelites would continue toward victory. Will you be my Aaron and Hur? Thank you so much for all your love and encouragement and support along the way. It is invaluable.

"So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset." Exodus 17:10-12

Day 19: Don't Worry, Eat Gravy

2009-08-19T19:21:00.001-07:00

Add another craving to my list.

------------------------------>

I was thinking about the verse I've got as my header. "Do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?'" from Matthew 6. The chapter ends so beautifully, and has a great verse for what I was going through yesterday.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

I changed my mind. It's actually not a very positive verse. It doesn't say that everything will get taken care of. It just says not to worry about tomorrow today. Worry about today today and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. And every day is full of trouble. I never really looked at it like that, like an aunt or grandmother who gives compliments like, "Well, at least you're not ugly."

But I understand the concept. Worrying for things that haven't happened yet, not so productive. I can't worry about day 41. I can't even worry about day 20. Each day is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows and enough trouble of its own.

Today's trouble was over gravy. Don't make gravy unless you are able to taste it 100 times yourself. Relying on your spouse's palate to taste and make suggestions about the gravy is not good for a marriage. But, finally, after one teeeeeeeeensy weeeeeeeeeensie taste, I realized that the gravy was fine, and I wasn't going to add anything or tamper with it for another second. So sue me. I tasted two droplets of gravy. It saved me from throwing down the whisk and walking out of the kitchen. And everyone was the happier for it.

And verse 32 of Matthew 6 says about the things over which we get anxious, "your Heavenly Father knows that you need them." That alone is comforting. He uses the word 'father'. And in Luke chapter 11, Jesus says, "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?... If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Therein lies the answer. We worry. We ask God for the things that He already knows we need. Then he breathes his "Breath of Holiness" aka "Holy Spirit" down upon us. Thank you, God. And we are satisfied. Aaah. Until tomorrow when, apparently, new troubles are already awaiting us.

Day 18: Overbooked

2009-08-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

Up to my eyeballs in responsibility:

1. PTA Teacher Breakfast to plan and execute. Time: 2 days

2. Face Painting for Capital Area Food Bank donation drive to buy face paint, make samples, execute. Time: 3 days

3. Extreme Classroom Makeover to plan, purchase supplies, and execute for Communities in Schools. Time: 10 days

4. American Heritage Girls Social Skills and Etiquette Tea Party to plan, purchase supplies and execute. Time: about 2 weeks

Somthing's gotta give. The Pick Five thought for the day is going to have to wait until tomorrow. So sorry, dear friends.

But, dang. That felt good to prioritize. I can do this! (Maybe the next 40 should be to simplify the rest of my life!)

Day 17: Nitty Gritty Dirt Blog

2009-08-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

One of my all-time best friends emailed me today:

"Ok, so give me an update. And I'm not talking about the censored version that's in your blog. I want the nitty gritty, dirty reality!"

Well, I thought I was doing pretty good in the honesty and openness department. But, I know when I read "Animal Vegetable Miracle," by Barbara Kingsolver about her family's quest to eat only what they could grow themselves or buy locally from farmers they knew, I felt like I wanted the whole story. Like there must be something she's not telling us. I kept waiting for the undoing.

Oh no. You are not waiting for my undoing... right? Right?! Okay. You are. It's okay. I understand. I suppose we all want to see the train wreck sometimes. You sickos. But you're going to be disappointed.

So, for you, my friend, and for everyone else, here it is. The nitty gritty dirty reality.

I wake up, and I want to throw up at the sight of another apple and handful of almonds for breakfast. I put my nose so close to my children's bowls of Fruity Cheerios that I probably absorb some sugar through my nostrils. I eat my... "breakfast" and begrudgingly admit that an apple is one of God's most delicious creations. And then realize that I'm probably going to need another TMJ surgery after eating almonds and apples for breakfast for 40 days.

Lunch time rolls around and I fix PB&Js, carrots, string cheese and juice for the kids, and have to fight the urge to lick the PB&J knife. I mean, really, PB&J? It's sandwich awesomeness. But I resist. Confession coming in 3... 2... 1... I robotically popped a baby carrot in my mouth the other day. I was on like the fourth crunch when my mouth finally sent messages to my brain. NEW FOOD ALERT! NEW FOOD ALERT! So I stopped, mouth half open, walked to the trash can and spit out the carrot. And then choked back a silent cry. Over a carrot. Sad. So every day, I scoop out one cup of my precooked brown rice (I cook it a bag at a time), and pile some edamame on top. One minute in the microwave.

This meal always trips me out for some reason. I put a bite in my mouth. I look down to make sure it's my Pick Five food -- (This is a new development. Everything goes through the wait-am-I-eating-the-right-thing-here-or-have-I-totally-lost-it-and-accidently-shoved-a-donut-in-my-mouth filter.) -- Then I eat. I eat the edamame first, because... well... I haven't quite recovered from the whole I Hate Edamame thing. I am not choking it down anymore, but let's just say that by the time this whole thing is done, I better be able to speak Japanese for all the edamame I've eaten. Then, the rice. I am so not sick of brown rice. I love it. I would eat it in a boat. And I would eat it with a goat. And I would eat it in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. And in a car. And in a tree. It is so good, so good you see! (Really. I love it. No, seriously.)

Afternoons usually bring another half an apple and handful of almonds along with a tank of water. It's Texas. And it's brutal. I dream of Sonic slushes and iced mochas. But, not for too long. Discipline is knowing how to stop entertaining temptation.

Then, I make dinner. I think it's God's timing that my husband is working the night shift right now. I only have to cook the "real" dinners for him a couple of nights a week. For the kids, I end up just balancing their plate with a protein, one or two vegetables, a complex carb and a glass of milk. Sometimes it's pretty motley, like some chicken, leftover spaghetti and a pile of peas. But they don't seem to mind. I sit down with them, and eat my rice and edamame. (Rinse, repeat.) My kids know not to say, "Is this it?" when I put their plate in front of them. They haven't fully connected it to my rants about children in other countries and even a few kids here in Austin who don't have enough to eat, but they sure know that they have to go to their rooms for a couple of minutes if they say it, and they want to avoid that. It's a start.

But then, after they go to bed, I break out the goods. Oh yeah. I open the freezer, get out my bowl and spoon, and my mouth already begins to water. I start to think about this time of day at around 3 in the afternoon. I look forward to it. Nobody's around. And I get to enjoy my daily delicious bowl of... chopped spinach. What? What did you think I was going to say? I swear to you, this is heaven. I love spinach. And it just melts like butter on my tongue. Oh, butter. I miss butter. Spinach would be so good with butter. Focus. Focus.

It's weird, because in the evenings I always used to watch TV and eat during EVERY COMMERCIAL. Something salty like cheese or buttered bread. Then, something sweet like saltwater taffy. (That has 'salt' in it. But it's sweet. Funny.) Salty, sweet, salty sweet. It went on for hours. But I'm not really watching TV anymore. It's like one went with the other. Hmm.

Then, I go to bed and start over. I can compare this whole Pick Five time to when I was pregnant (40 WEEKS, not days). I used to have quick little freak outs. Get out of there. Get out of my skin. Out of my belly! But then I calmed myself down and reminded myself that I was in it for the long haul. I prayed for God's patience in place of my impatience. It worked then, and it's working now.

The hardest times, when I want to crawl into a hole and cry, have been when I am in the company of other people who are eating delicious food. This is hard. I've managed to blend in pretty good, and try not to cause any vexation to the omnivores. But then I get in my car, have a quick and silent pity party, and try my best to pay attention to what I'm supposed to be learning from the experience. This is where I know God meets me. These times, I know, will make a difference in my life.

Over all, I am at peace. I know that it's not over until it's over. I know that there is much more ahead. I'm right smack in the middle of it, and I'm trying not to plan out what I'm going to eat on day 41. (Except for coffee. I'll be setting the timer on my coffee maker.) I'll save thoughts about other food for the last couple of days. I can't go there yet. I don't know what's next when this is all done. Day by day. Breathe in, breathe out. Brown rice, edamame, spinach, apples and almonds. And the hand of the Lord to sustain me.

(Picture: Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. "Down by the river in the full moon light, we'll be fallin' in love in the middle of the night, just moving slow..." Thanks to Tom for gifting this song to my sister when I was an impressionable 13 years old. Good tune.)

Days 15&16: Happy Vegetarian

2009-08-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

From Numbers chapter 11:

Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp...

The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost--also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" ...

[The LORD said to Moses], "Tell the people: 'Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, "If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!" Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month--until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it--because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you.' "...

Now a wind went out from the LORD and drove quail in from the sea... But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague.

I thought I wanted a little meat. Just some chicken or a carne fajita taco. But, nope. I have everything that I need. I'm just fine, God. No thanks.

Mmmmm... rice. Mmmmm... spinach. Mmmmm... apples. Mmmmm... almonds. Yum.

No quail. Thankyouverymuch.

(All's well on the Pick Five front. I'm hanging in there. Still got 24 days to go! Stay with me!)

Day 14: Excuse Me?!

2009-08-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

There's this part in "In & Out", a silly comedy about a man who never considered himself gay, inadvertently coming out of the closet at a very inopportune time. On his wedding day. About two-thirds into the movie, the rejected bride, Joan Cusak (brilliant), is sitting on a stool in a bar, in her enormous but tattered wedding dress and veil, totally a wreck, make up smeared from crying, nursing a fat beer, utterly despondent. In walks a reporter, Tom Selleck, who has been reporting the story and exacerbating the situation. He sits down next to the bride, oblivious to her, and says, "Man, have I had a rough day." The look that she gives him is so priceless, so incredulous and then she shouts at the top of her cracking, exasperated voice, "EEEEXCUUUUUUSE ME?!"

This is how I felt when my daughter told me she didn't want to eat a sandwich yesterday.

"But you like sandwiches, right?"

"Yes."

"Then why don't you want one."

"I just don't feel like it."

"EEEEXCUUUUUUSE ME?!"

Yeah! Ugh! Take that! (I have every right to be indignant... right?)

And yet, if I said to a Zambian that I was sick of my delicious, nutritious, ample supply of five foods, he should have a similar response. His one bowl of nshima a day, or a Haitian's 4oz of rice per day, has my Pick Five beat in the depravity department by a mile.

Perspective. I'm learning.

Day 13: No Can Do Fondue

2009-08-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if it's the lack of coffee, the Pick Five in general, the kids making a mess in the house all day, or my husband working so much overtime lately (Thanks, honey. You're so strong and dedicated to providing for us all), but today was just hard. It was hard.

And then later I went to meet up with some friends for a fondue party. How fun is that? Jack cheese and cheddar cheese, chocolate peanut butter caramel, and white chocolate, and about 20 different things to dip into these four melted luxuries. Wine, beer, laughter. And then the microwave dinged.

"Whose bowl of brown rice, edamame, and spinach is this?"

Someone else, "Whose do you think?"

And we stood around, mingled, and I ate my dinner and tried not to draw too much attention to myself. It wasn't that I wanted to eat what everyone else was eating. I mean, sure I did. But I wasn't tempted in that way. I just felt thin, transparent, disconnected from myself. It was just a hard day. I don't know how else to explain it.

This wasn't supposed to be easy. It wouldn't have the same effect if it were. When you ask for God to change your heart, the outcome is always right, it's just that the process of removing the old crusty heart can leave you feeling vulnerable, fragile. I'm leaning a little more on the Lord today, and waiting for the new heart to sync up.

Day 12: The Crave List

2009-08-12T15:52:00.001-07:00

When I announced what five things I'd be eating for Pick Five, much of the response was, "Aren't you going to be hungry?" Well, I said it then, and I'll say it now.

Nope.

I do have a controlled amount of food that I'm eating, but the point of this exercise was not to be hungry. It was to simply limit my choices. Squeeze out the excess. But I'll tell you, if I'm hungry, it's because it's lunch time. Or dinner. I have not once been hungry after a meal.

Howwwevvverrrrrrr...

I have been hungry/thirsty FOR things. I'll indulge you in my crave list:

Cereal, esp. Oh!s and Life

Chocolate milk

Supreme pizza

Chocolate cake/cupcakes

Brisket and sausage

Potato salad

Cole slaw

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese

Thundercloud Subs (Austinites, can I get a whoop whoop!)

Pasta

French bread

Red wine

Caesar salad (Look at the last four. Maybe I should have done a Scegliere Cinque.)

Rotisserie chicken

Bacon (Not turkey bacon. Sorry, Mom.)

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Fish tacos (don't knock it 'til you've tried it)

Gingerbread pancakes from Kerby Lane Cafe

I had a Chick-O-Stick craving the other day. But I think this was a fluke. I haven't eaten one of these in years.

And, saving the most desperate for last...

Cue beam of light from heaven and chorus of angels...

COFFEE. In any shape or form. I think if I opened a bag of coffee right now, I might just get too excited and start crunching on the shiny French Roast beans before they even got to the grinder.

So, think of me when you have any of these. And try not to cackle with delight.

I hope you choke.

(Sorry, I didn't mean that about the choking. I had to bring some levity after yesterday's downer. Whah, whah.)

Day 11: Confessions

2009-08-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

I realized today that a fear has been creeping up within me. As I drove around town this morning, I was alone for the first time in a while. My kids had been dropped off to play with their cousins, I had turned off the radio, and was able to collect my thoughts in the silence. I thought about the second quarter of this simplification, as I enter into the teens of Pick Five. I thought about the struggle to get this far, and the new freedom and peace that I now experienced. I thought about the next 29 days and what amazing thing they were waiting to offer. I thought about words and blogs and conversations that I would have because of this amazing thing that was going to happen.

And then a lump grew out of my stomach and made its way up my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but it beat the gag reflex and surfaced to show its face and say hello. And there it was. The fear.

What if I have nothing to say.

What if nothing happens.

And all thought stopped here, like a skipping record repeating an off-key note. What if nothing happens? What will I say? Will it all have been for naught? How will I explain that? I have all of you, reading my thoughts and praying for me and cheering me on. I have my friends and family, asking about my progress, how I'm doing, what I'm learning... What if its all one bogus nothingness that ends, and after all is said and done, life will go on as usual? And I just sat in that for a while.

I tried to shush it away. I said to myself, "It'll come. God's just not ready yet. In His time..." But the fear just sat next to me and stared at me with doubtful, raised eyebrows.

And after some time of self-loathing and self-deprecation and self-pity, my unwelcome passenger told me I had some serious issues I needed to work through. And that's when I realized two things.

1. It's not about you. Yes, you. I'm so thankful for you, your prayers, your support. But I have been worrying way too much about how many people were reading, how frequently, how to hook in more readers, how to keep everyone entertained and -- if I can be mercilessly honest here -- make sure everyone was impressed. Yuck.

2. God is always ready. He's just waiting for me to be ready. I know that Pick Five is the right thing for me to do. I know that it's supposed to happen right now. But I have got to keep my head clear. I have got to free up my heart and mind. I have got to shake out all the me, me, me, I, I, I, if I want to allow any real estate for God to do His work.

And so I reached over, opened the passenger door, and booted out the thing that I had let in. I had to do some serious confessing. I had to release the ownership of my own life that I had usurped from the Lord sometime in these last 11 days. I had allowed my own ambition to get in the way of God's work, and I did it in plain view. I hope you can forgive me too.

So, it wasn't the big thing that I was looking for, but it was the big thing that God needed to teach me today. And now I'm going to go take a shower.

Day 10: Free Rice

2009-08-10T18:17:00.001-07:00

Want to donate 66 billion grains of rice to people all over the world? Sure you do. Know what it'll cost you? Nothing. I don't know who thought this up, but it's an amazingly easy way to give. Ready for this? FreeRice.com. Here's what it entails:

You play a vocabulary game, and free rice gets delivered around the world.

That's it. This is especially cool to a "wordie" like me (I think I just made up a word) who, if allowed to have two books on an island, would choose the Bible and the American Heritage Dictionary.

There's corporate sponsors who fund the rice, and it's delivered to areas in need through the World Food Programme. I can't believe this is a real thing. It's so easy, it promotes higher literacy, and it is feeding millions of hungry people. You can't go wrong there. There's even a video that shows the WFP delivering the Free Rice.

Only play it once. You can't. (Or at least I can't.) I've got it on my bookmarks, and I try to play it every time I see it and have a few minutes. My high score is level 50. (Worry not if you are more of a Wheel of Fortune than a Jeopardy, they donate rice for your correct answers, but don't penalize you in rice for your wrong answers. Whew.)

As I'm eating this big bowl of rice in front of me, I am thankful for each grain. Think how much more thankful the Free Rice recipients must be.

Days 8&9: Flying

2009-08-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

You know when you board an airplane, and you're all excited or nervous about the initial take-off? You stare out the window, watching the parallax of the trees and mountains change with speed as you taxi down the runway, the sound growing ever more intense. There is vibration, tension, and the plane feels like its going to soon whistle like a tea kettle or explode. And then, there's a release as finally you lift off into the sky. The sound quiets, the cabin steadies, and suddenly, you are in a new dimension, looking down on the earth below grow smaller and smaller until you feel like you can move the houses like pieces on the Monopoly board. And then, you are flying.

I feel like I'm flying right now. My hands have released from their tight grip on the armrest. My back and neck tingle with surrender. The initial take off is over. I feel like I've hit a comfort zone in this Pick Five journey, and I'm just taking it all in stride.

In nine days, not a single outside food or drink has reached my mouth. I made three delicious cakes and sat through a mouth-watering brisket and sausage dinner at my mother-in-law's, and still remained unshaken. My Pick Five simplification is completely intact. Isn't that amazing? I am really, truly amazed by that. And not in a see-what-I-can-do, look-mom-no-hands kind of way, but just overwhelmed by the strength the LORD has given me thus far.

Now that I'm here, in this new phase, I pray that my heart will also let loose its tension. It's a prerequisite to receiving the teaching that awaits.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

PS. If you're wondering how I went from "I Hate Edamame" to "Flying" in two days, remember that there was a Sabbath in between. Put it to the test. See Isaiah 58:13-14. He is so faithful.

Day 7: I Hate Edamame

2009-08-07T13:21:00.001-07:00

I hate edamame.

I am choking it down. What used to be a lovely sometimes treat is now the bane of my mealtime. I think it's the texture. And the taste. It's just no longer appetizing. It's my protein and carrier of many important vitamins and nutrients, so I cannot skip it. I hope the distaste is a hump I can pass over. I know it's mind over matter on this one. It's EXACTLY the reminder that I need, that food is important, not just for taste, but mainly for the life it gives to our bodies. But it's hard. I'm not gonna lie. It reminds me of the fast in Daniel 10: “In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.”

Well, only 33 more days to go.

On a less self-pitying note, the kids and I picked up some Capital Area Food Bank donation boxes and have set up a donation center at Lifetime Fitness in south Austin. If you're a member, feel free to drop off some donations in the Child Center foyer. Food drive runs through August 31st. Thanks!

Day 6: Small Joy

2009-08-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

This food simplification means I'm eating five things. The point is to be challenged by the drastic change, and moved beyond the spoiled diversity of my regular diet. I'm supposed to get bored with the food. The challenge is NOT to find how many different combinations and different forms of the five things I can find to make my Pick Five food more interesting. For example: I'm not going to buy brown rice flour and almond oil and try to fry up some tortillas.

I am going to stick close to the five things in their natural form. But...

Today is day three with a sore throat. It hurts to swallow. And I've got to be honest. I wanted a popsicle. So I used my Breville Juice Fountain Elite (best gift ever, thanks Uncle Boo) and juiced some apples, then froze them into popsicles. Oh, the sweet natural goodness. Is it wrong to employ my home's resources?

Day 5: How's it Going?

2009-08-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

"So, how's it going?"

You're wondering, too? I answer this question in person all day long, but I'm not sure how well I've addressed that here. And, well, I suppose it's time.

So, here's how it's going:

I'm already sick of edamame and spinach. I miss cereal. I wish I could slather some Country Crock on a piece of Honey 7 Grain bread and inhale it. I have dreams about drinking coffee. I drool at the thought of a Skor bar.

BUT... I love brown rice. I love apples. I love almonds. I'm drinking more water than I ever have in my life (which was very little).

I am happy and healthy and physically strong and thankful. Each morning, I wake and am excited for another day. The scripture that sits at the top of this page, "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?'" has more meaning now. My mind is free to meditate on other things. I am not extremely bothered by what I am not eating, nor am I at all tempted to give up or break free of my five foods.

I must admit, I have stared down a couple of bowls of rice and edamame. I have had the Elvis lip curl a couple of times. But it passes quickly. I am reminded, as I hoped I would be, that every meal is a gift; each bite of food sustains my very life. It's a big thought:

Each

bite

food

sustains

very

life.

That's one thought that I don't want to fade out with time.

My belly is full. And my heart is glad.

Day 4: Too Little, Too Late

2009-08-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

So, I looked in the fridge today, and realized that even though I'm going through this thing, and I'm thinking about all the hunger and poverty around the world, and teaching my children to appreciate what they have, I completely neglected to buy groceries for my family.

I have plenty of the five things, mind you. I took pains make sure I was fully covered on that front. But what about my kids? What about my ridiculously hard working husband? Doesn't he deserve a hot delicious meal? I SHOULD THINK SO!!!

So, I went to the grocery store with them in mind. No almonds, apples or the like in the cart. I came home to find that my husband (who sleeps daytime, works nighttime) had gotten up early, gone shopping himself, come back to stock the fridge, and had left for work already.

Ouch. Too little, too late. Maybe my focus was too broad.

I'm sorry, dear.

Day 3: Grapes and Wheat

2009-08-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Sunday.

I went to church.

Communion.

Grape juice and crackers.

Dilemma.

I didn't take communion. And before you go all crazy on me about being too strict and forgoing the blessed sacraments of my savior, listen to the why.

Standing and singing praise songs, I thought of Jesus, the sacrificed lamb for the redemption of Israel. I thought of my adopted inheritance into this covenant and the forgiveness of my sin. I am so thankful for the completion of this promise, and for the reminder that communion provides. Hallelujah.

But -- and I'm just going to be painfully transparent here -- after two days of you-know-what, just the thought of grape juice began to make my palate tingle with temptation. I thought of the sweet acidity of the dark delicious drink, and the cracker -- oh the cracker -- melting away in glutinous glory on my tongue.

I went back and forth in my mind between the two sentiments. It was torturous, believe me. In the end, I realized that my salvation does not come from communion. That to take it and share in that corporate reminder is a privilege, and one that not everyone has. But obviously, for me it was bordering on being an idol made of grapes and wheat. So, instead I said a prayer of thanksgiving and asked God for the opportunity to share the joy of my salvation with another, so that one more might know the sacrifice and receive the blessing that awaits.

Days 1&2: Big Change?

2009-08-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I woke up full of expectation. Here I go. A quick stretch, a few pushups (ha). I pulled up my kitchen stool and sat down to an apple and a handful of almonds, followed by a tall glass of water. Maybe something Adam and Eve would've had for breakfast. I said a prayer. I sang a song of praise. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me.

And then I had one of the busiest, craziest, most chaotic days in my recent history. Headless chicken comes to mind. I never stopped going, went to no less than nine destinations in the minivan, from Round Rock to the furthest south Austin, and dragged my three poor children along. Bedtime came too late. I wish I could say that at the end of the day, I knelt down next to my bed and reiterated my morning's thoughts to the Lord. But I fell asleep before I could even turn off my bedside lamp.

What did I think would happen? Did I think I would wake up a la Tom Hanks in Big, a totally changed person overnight? I guess I hoped that I would. I naively thought that Day 1 of my Pick Five calendar would be the tangible beginning of this remarkable experience. But God eats our expectations for breakfast. Life is a process. Desired change has to be earned. And works of the Lord happen in His time, not ours.

So what? My first day of Pick Five was spiritually unremarkable.

Then I woke up this morning, full of expectation. I pulled up my kitchen stool and sat down to an apple and a handful of almonds, followed by a tall glass of water. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me...

Pick Five

2009-07-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

And so it begins. When I wake tomorrow, I shall endeavor to eat five simple foods for 40 days. Brown rice, edamame, spinach, almonds and apples. I have chosen the foods for their nutritional value, versatility, and taste. I will drink only water.

The inception of Pick Five was a few weeks ago, when I became suddenly and painfully aware of the abundance I have, and my inability to understand its value. Not only had I taken for granted that my plate was always full, but had forgotten to consider those who dream of such comfort.

Pick Five is a simplification. It is not a fast. It is not a diet. It is not a craze. It is an exercise in living simply, seeking God and His purposes, considering and caring for others, and sharing the lessons I learn with my family and friends. I hope you take the journey with me.

PS: Did you see that picture? I should be so lucky to eat at such a banquet.

PPS: So sorry that tomorrow is a sabbath, although I think it most appropriate. You'll have to wait until Day Two to hear from me!

Piece of Cake!

2009-07-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

So, of course I haven't done any specialty cake orders for over a month, and now I have not one, but THREE cake orders. When are they? ALL WITHIN THE FIRST WEEK of my Pick Five. No testing the frosting. No eating the cake trimmings. No licking the bowl. This will be a test, fo sho. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

The Lineup

2009-07-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

My Pick-Five Final Line Up:
1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

3. Spinach

4. Edamame

5. Apples!!!

Yes, the last pick is the sweetest. Apples are balancing out the remainder of the vitamin spectrum and adding some crispity crunch. I plan to start each day with a delicious rosy apple (like Jonagold or Fuji) and then have 1/2 an apple later when I need that afternoon snack. Nature's candy, right? My sweet tooth sure hopes so.

I remember my sister took a field trip to Yosemite National Park with her junior high classmates. She described a long and difficult hike up one of Yosemite's peaks that took half the day. After sweating like a dog and exhausting her canteen, she stood at the top of the peak. And then proceeded to eat what was to be the most delicious and memorable apple of her whole life.

I love that story. It makes me want to eat an apple. Or 60.

Me, Myself, and My New Me

2009-07-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm laying here on the couch, and my stomach has turned into a food baby that's laying here beside me. I'm stuffed. I didn't have an enormous dinner. Okay, so I had second helpings, but it was pretty healthy stuff. I think it was the cookie dough after dinner that did me in.

Let me just confess. Every waking moment lately, I am fighting the urge to have a pre-Pick Five Mardi Gras. I want to totally go Veruca Salt and have cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts so good you could go nuts. Give it to me now. Actually all of that stuff sounds pretty gross. But I could go for a big bowl of mint chip ice cream and a cold tall glass of chocolate milk about now.

I have this little control problem all the time. I fight the urge to leave gigantic teeth marks in the 2 lb. block of colby jack in the deli drawer. And I try not to eat the third or fourth bowl of cereal in the morning. I argue with myself and say motivating things to myself like, "C'mon, how bad do you want to fit into those jeans again?" and "It's so not worth it." But then I tell myself to shut the hell up, who asked you, and eat whatever it was that I was arguing about. I guess my inner personal trainer ain't as tough as she thought she was.

But I always thought the idea of Mardi Gras was a load of crap. If you're preparing for a solemn event in which you discipline yourself for the sake of God, maybe it's not so good to go crazy and turn glutton the day before. (Kind of like bachelor parties. Don't get me started.)

I am so close, so close. I have to keep it together for four more days. I know that when my 40-day Pick Five starts, that's it. My discipline won't be coming from my own strength at that point, thank the Lord. And I know that I won't have these internal discussions any more. Personal Trainer Me will be gone, and Indulgent Me will be gone, too. In fact, I'm not sure Me will even be there. Just a frame of me, waiting to be filled with the New Me.

And that's motivation enough to sober up for the event.

You Know You Want To

2009-07-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

As I have prepared and posted and conversed about this little thing I'm getting ready to do, I have received all kinds of response.

Some people have been skeptical:

"You're gonna be hungry."

"You're not gonna make it."

Some have been intrigued:

"Ooh. What a neat idea."

"Hmm... what will you eat?"

Some have been flat out puzzled:

"Oh. How about that."

"Cool... I don't really get it."

(This last one was my husband, by the way.)

But most of you have been really kind and supportive. Please don't stop. Because I haven't even started yet.

I know that this is going to be a special 40 days. And I know that I'll look back on this time in my life. I hope that it is the beginning of something bigger, something bigger than me, that God has planned and is setting into motion. I can only pray that I am allowed to be part of it.

I want to invite you along.

If you feel the urge, start to plan. Pick your five, and come along for the ride. It will not be unfruitful. Pray and see if it's something for you. And let me know if you're with me.

But even if you don't, I appreciate your support immensely. I'll leave it at that.

(By the way, use nutritiondata.com. I used it to balance all my nutrients, make sure I was getting enough calories and protein, and it was crucial in the decision making process. And if you're totally lost, read the "About Me"; it explains what I'm inviting you to do.)

Test Run

2009-07-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

Wow, am I glad I did some test runs on this food! Have you ever had a bowl of rice and edamame with loads of pepper but no salt? YUCK!

(Oh, yeah. By the way, I also chose edamame.)

1. Brown rice

2. Almonds

3. Spinach

4. Edamame

What's edamame? (My 5-year old calls it eat-a-mommy. He thinks this is hilarious.) It's a baby soybean, boiled in the pod and salted. Loaded with protein and low in fat, it beats the nutritional pants off beans. I'll let you discover it for yourself if you haven't already. And if you have, you feel me, right? It's a good one, am I right? Right? You think it's a good choice, don't you? I can totally eat it for forty days. No problem. I think. (Can you tell I'm starting to have serious doubts about all this?)

But also in doing a test run, I'm making an executive decision to switch from pepper to salt for my single seasoning. No salt? What was I thinking? Salt is so perfect, it's biblical. I mean, even God likes salt. And Job said it perfectly: "Is tasteless food eaten without salt? ... I refuse to touch it; such food makes me ill." Job 6:6-7 After eating a bowl of peppered rice, I couldn't agree more.

So, no pepper. Salt. Tap tap no trade backs.

Parting thought: I want you to think about this -- what would you pick if you were doing this? What five things could you stand to look at, day in and day out, for forty days? What would you have to give up? Just think it over. Mull it around. Then, tomorrow, I'll have a follow-up question for you. Stay tuned.

Eight Days and Counting

2009-07-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

My Pick Five simplification is so close. I'm beginning to feel the waves of preparation and anticipation flow through me. It's like the deep breath before plunging to the bottom of the pool.

The cool thing is, that I have already started to see changes in me and, in turn, my family. As some of you may know, my daughter hosted a lemonade stand a couple of weeks ago to raise money for Casa Hogar, an orphanage in Mexico. I told her that her reward was in heaven for doing such a selfless thing. She smiled ear to ear. That's beautiful, but not the whole story.

So, a couple of days ago I told her that she was going to help me this Saturday in giving hotdogs to the homeless in Austin. My son, who is five, said he wanted to join us. (I'm thinking "hotdog" must have struck him as something he wanted to be involved in.) So I asked him why he wanted to go. His answer: "Because, um... maybe... I think I want to get an award in heaven, too."

What a lovely thing, that he would have tucked that phrase away in his little heart for MORE THAN A WEEK as something special. Something that he aspired to obtain. During this 40-day Pick Five exercise, there will be an emphasis in my house on the needy, the hungry, the oppressed. Being that my kids have everything they need, I think it's important for them to know that not every child does.

And there are things that we can do to help.

As for the reward in heaven, a little delayed gratification never hurt a kid.

Sometimes You Just Need a...

2009-07-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

Pass.

Strong to the Finish

2009-07-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

'Cause I eats me spinach. I'm Popeye the sailor man. Toot toot!

Yep:

1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

3. Spinach

Spinach is a delicious and nutritious leafy green. It is rich in Vitamins A, C, K and folate. It is mildly anti-inflammatory and can be eaten raw or lightly steamed.

Popeye knew what he was doing, because this is one food that's packed with some serious punch.

By the way, did anyone else ever notice that Popeye's, "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam," rings eerily similar to, "I AM THAT I AM," found in Exodus 3:14? Except one is a cartoon character and one is, oh, I don't know... GOD?! I always thought that was strange.

Three down, two to go. Any suggestions? (Feel free to comment at any time.)

Nothing to Eat

2009-07-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

How many times have you opened the fridge or pantry, stared into it, only to shut it again? How many times today?

In my pantry right now I have over 75 food items,

and my fridge has more than 35 food choices,

four beverage options, and 28 condiments.

Why do I feel like I have nothing to eat?

And it's all just one more reason I am preparing for my Pick Five challenge. My idea of "nothing to eat" is gravely erroneous.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

2009-07-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sort of embarrassed to think how many times I have answered the question, "What's wrong?" with, "I need coffee." Sometimes people get this pained look and say, "Hey, is everything all right?" and I answer, "I just need coffee." Within my close circle, it's become quite known. "Come on over; I'll throw on a pot for you." Even my kids have got my number. When my kiddo was two and a half, she called me out in the van one day: "Mommy, you grumpy. You need coffee?"

Sadly, coffee has become a condition of my personality.

So, here I stand at the doorway to Pick Five. I'm holding rice and almonds and I've tucked water and pepper into my pocket. But do I NEED coffee? There's a voice, right now as I'm typing, that is screaming in my head, "YES! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" But I know that there are nutritious things that I need, that I shouldn't sacrifice, for this addiction I have. But... it's coffee... I know I could ween -- I'd need to start soon -- but I just. like. coffee. so. much.

And I think that is exactly that why I can't take it with me on my 40-day journey.

So sorry, old friend. I'll see you on the other side.

Loopholes

2009-07-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

Why am I trying to find loopholes in my own game? Ever since I started thinking about narrowing my food plate to five items, I have been barraged with questions from my friends, and have been battling within myself...

Does coffee count?

What about spices?

Can you switch one of your five halfway through?

Can it be a complex food like tortillas, or does it have to be in its natural state?

I'm ready to throw the whole thing out, and I haven't even started. It is so in my nature to rebel against the rules. It seems silly. I should want to follow them, right? I made them. I mean, I suppose it's my prerogative to bend them/break them/ignore them. But I'm not going to get tied up in rules and stuff. This is an exercise in simplicity, after all.

However -- I am going to allow WATER as a freebie. And I figure, everyone in the world has access to something that they can crush up and put on their food, so I'm allowing ONE SPICE not to count.

So, sue me. I'm tucking water and pepper into my pocket (but no salt, eek).

And my second food for my 40-day Pick Five is.... par-a-dum-da-da-dum...

2. Brown Rice

I love a good complex carbohydrate. They are good fillers, rich in energy producing stuff, and brown rice has a lot of fiber, which I am all too scared I'll need. Also, you can't beat the bite and nutty flavor of this delicious staple.

1. Almonds

2. Brown Rice

So far, so brown. Better get some color soon.

Don't Call it a Diet

2009-07-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

"I don't get it."

"What?"

"This whole 'pick five' thing of yours."

"Well, for 40 days, starting on August 1st..."

"I know, but why?"

"I want to learn something."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know yet."

It started with a stirring. I told you, Willy Wonka and Zambia and all that (see previous posts if you're totally confused). I know that I need the simplicity and the perspective that Pick Five will provide. And there were some other factors that led me to a place where I want to take a sharp needle, reach out, and pop the bubble of my family and close friends with which I have insulated myself. But I have a confession. I don't know what I'm going to learn from this. I only know that I'm going to learn something.

Here's what I do know. As my friend Jen Hatmaker reminded me in her new book, if we claim to love Jesus, we are called to feed His lambs. Undefiled worship is taking care of the broken and oppressed. I'm praying that with my Pick Five simplification (don't call it a diet), God will show me things that stand in my way of being His servant. And then work them out in me, so that I might go. So that I might go.

Choose Wisely

2009-07-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

I’m really only two weeks away from the start of my Pick Five. I think I better cough up one of my choices.

Chocolate chip cookies.

What? That’s a good choice! Oh, except that has 9 ingredients. Too many, too bad. Yes, I’m that serious.

I feel like Indiana Jones in the “Last Crusade” as he’s standing in the temple of the Holy Grail. The seven hundred year old grail knight warns, “You must choose. But choose wisely.” There is a beautiful buffet of options, most of which are visually appealing, but only one is life-sustaining. I certainly don’t want to end up like Donovan. No skin turning brown and leathery and stretching across my bones until it splits, thankyouverymuch. “He chose… poorly.” (Don’t be mad at me for that description. I lifted it verbatim from the screenplay.)

So, what then? Okay. This is it. No going back….

1. Almonds.

There. That wasn’t so hard.

Almonds are a low-carbohydrate, nutrient-rich food. They've also got some protein punch, and although they are high in fat, very little of it is saturated fat. Almonds are a "superfood", which is only to say that the health and nutrition industry wants to sell more of them. But I did learn something. There is a thing called an IF rating, which is not a game of craps but rather a scale to rate inflammation factors in foods. Who gives a crap? Well, this isn't news to many, but I have Rheumatoid Arthritis , which is punctuated by periods of inflammation that lead to joint damage, and eventually deformation (and can only be spelled by those who have it). So, I give a crap. And almonds happen to be a natural anti-inflammatory. And a great snack food. So there. Almonds.

Lap of Luxury

2009-07-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

"In areas where a wide variety of foods are abundantly available, people may not eat certain foods simply because they do not like them. Many areas of the world, however, cannot afford this luxury." --Foods & Nutrition Encyclopedia

I'm not picky. At all. I love food. Nearly all of it. I won't eat liver or tripe again, but I tried a grilled bull testicle at a Fourth of July party this year. I must confess, I really just wanted to watch my mother-in-law cringe as I chewed it up. (Don't eat a bull testicle, by the way.) But aside from the rare animal part the only other thing the good Lord has granted me a distaste for is flaky pastry. Yes, I don't like donuts. Nor danishes. Nor cinnamon rolls. And no, I'm not skinny.

But I am TOTALLY guilty of grabbing a Tupperware container filled with leftovers (this concept is a whole other topic) checking under the lid, and inadvertently letting my lip curl Elvis-style. I so often put it back. It was delicious last night! I should be so lucky to have an abundance, that I might enjoy the delicacy the next day as well.

So, I can say all I want that I'm not picky. Because right now, I can eat whatever I want. Let's see if that stands up to the Pick Five.

Das It?

2009-07-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was wiped out. It'd been a long day. Work in the morning, WALKING home from work in the midday heat, an errand that involved a long drive in the afternoon with all three kids, and then coming home and trying to save CPS a trip to my house by picking up a bit. Dinner time? Fuggetaboutit.

My left hand wrestled with my right hand to put down the phone before I dialed the seventh "4", and I decided to fix something myself. I cooked up some brown rice, lima beans and sweet corn and mixed them all together in a dish I like to call, "It'll Make a Poop."

When I put it on the table for the kids in individual bowls and big spoons and tall glasses of milk, my youngest (barely four) says, "Das it, Mommy? One fing?"

This is the question she asks at every meal. Lunch:

"Das it, Mommy? Two fings?"

"Yep, two things." (PB&J, applesauce)

"Das not enough."

"Just eat."

Dinner:

"Das it? Jus free fings?"

"Yep, three things." (Grilled chicken, broccoli, rice)

"Das not enough."

"Just eat."

It is enough. It is. I know it is. It's more than enough. Because even though every day I make PB&J's for my kids for lunch, that's three items right there. Bread, peanut butter, jelly. And then add a fruit and sometimes a carb like goldfish or pretzels, and you're up to five things, and then milk or juice -- six different things in one meal! And every day is a plethora of choices, a cornucopia of culinary diversity.

When my kid says, "Das it?" to a healthy, balanced meal with ample leftovers, and I joke about its lack of appeal, I know it's time for Pick Five. I know that I can't possibly appreciate the ridiculous variety of food that is readily available, until I take it away.

(Don't worry. My kids will eat the same "Das It?" meals they always eat. This experiment is not family-inflicted, just self.)

Preparing for Pick Five

2009-07-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

So, here's where it starts:

I was watching Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) for the 10,000th time last week and watched Charlie bring home a loaf of bread to feed his family. They called it a banquet. I don't know why this scene waited until this most recent viewing to punch me in the gut.

Then, my teenage cousins just came back from Africa. One of the many reality-checks they were faced with was the simplicity of the Zambian diet. Basically, nshima, a corn/water porridge. And most of the kiddos that my cousins encountered were lucky to get two small bowls a day. Most lived off one.

And then, there's me. Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast: Coffee with cream, two large bowls of Oh!s cereal with milk.

Lunch: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, applesauce, pretzels, leftover beans & rice.

While making dessert for a barbecue I ate the equivalent of 3 pieces of cake.

Dinner: Three different kinds of chips, baked beans, broccoli salad, sausage, a hamburger with all the toppings, one and a half pieces of carrot cake, one piece of chocolate cake.

Before bed: One more piece of carrot cake.

Conservatively, 4300 calories. And roughly 17 different foods.

I am sick just thinking about it. But instead of shoving another piece of cake down my throat to deal with my anxiety, I have made a decision. For 40 days, beginning August 1st, I'm going to limit my diet to five things. I get to pick the five, but only five. For 40 days.